No Bad Pictures

How often do we desire to show or bad qualities, whether inward or outward? I am the first to admit instantly deleting pictures that paint me in unfavorable light, especially if those pictures accentuate perceived or obvious flaws. Any hair out of place, any less than perfect smile, any acne or arm that bulges just a little too much is quickly eliminated and if it must be kept for will definitely not make it into cyberspace. I don’t want anyone to see my outer flaws, just as we all do.

I spent so much of my life obsessing over my outward appearance. Later, as my youthful appearance changed, so did my inward spirit regarding that change, but recently I discovered what I had failed to see then. My outward appearance had changed into a reflection of my inward self, not the other way around. Let me explain.

During one life altering event, the inward life I had so carefully constructed, was shattered like a glass window. Even though, at that time, my outward appearance may have seemed pulled together, it was really only a childish construct of who I should and would become.

As the years passed and the inward me remained broken, my outward appearance began to shift to reflect the inward broken state. I am a living statement to how closely our emotional and physical lines are intertwined. My inner walls began to manifest themselves physically in my cardiovascular system, unknown to me then. Physically, my body was coating my blood vessels with fiber walls in direct relation to the emotional havoc I was wreaking on my body. And where I was emotionally unable to allow good things into my life and let bad things go, now my body mimicked that emotional state. My body was unable to allow good nutrients into or allow toxins to leave through the blood.

How ironic then, when God began to work on my inward life through the pain of my outward life and disregarded my prayers to change the outward pain I was experiencing. The New Testament covenant that Jesus brought to us prioritizes the internal work in our lives over the external and He was doing that in me as well. He used not only the pain of my changing physical appearance, but also the pain of a depleted system taxed with toxins.

Looking back on the pain of that time, I can honestly say I wouldn’t change a single experience. During that time, God was sifting through the shatter pieces of glass and rebuilding me piece by piece into a mosaic of His masterpiece. Now, when He shines His light through my life, like a mosaic window, it reflects in so many more directions than it ever did as a single piece. My life is a living testament to the love and grace of Christ who heals all wounds and turns lives upside down for the better. He is the God that takes shattered lives and turns them into multi-faceted pieces of art that are able to reflect His Glory into the lives of so many more than was previously possible.

His light illuminates my life and His love now sustains me. I can’t praise Him enough or thank Him enough for pursuing me so completely and loving me so thoroughly. I can’t tell you enough of the beautiful work that is now the inner me. The inner me is healed and made perfect in my weakness.

But even now the outward me, in appearance and often physical illness, is a reminder of God’s grace even when I was still a mess on the inside. All the pictures I take today are reflections of the bad days I once had. They are constant reminders of the change that has been worked on the inside.

I say this all to bear my throat to the sword of criticism and share with all who will listen the "bad pictures" of my life. I invite you to delve into my bad days if you will, dig around if you must and ask what questions you will, but they all point to a ONE greater than I. Know that God exchanged those bad days for good and created an inner me worthy of the calling of Christ and still does today.

If, in some way, you find yourself in bad days and call yourself a child of God, know that He has not left you. He is still working in you to create a work of His art. Don’t fight it. Learn quickly and see how great our God is! If you don’t call yourself a child of God and find yourself in bad days, know that God is ready to redeem them and turn them into something wonderful if you only believe in Him.