To Love Again Ch 2

Lani sat across the worn writing desk and watched Dr. Scott scribble in her notebook. This was to be her last session before returning to school. Her counseling was voluntary so Lani couldn't be forced to stay, but Dr. Scott’s opinion was still valuable. Would the doctor say she was ready even with the nightmares? The doctor lifted her head. Lani smiled at the plain woman whose brown mane was barely held in place by her hair clip. The doctor never could get her hair to cooperate and it set her at ease. Even doctor’s had bad days even if they were only bad hair days.

“Before you leave today,” the doctor said in her soothing voice, “I want to try something to help ease the nightmares. This technique is called picture association and may help you sleep better at night. You have to have a very open mind and a good imagination. Do you want to try it?”

“I’ll try anything if it helps me sleep,” Lani said. “Do I need to schedule another appointment before I leave?”

“Actually we can start now. It only takes a few minutes.” The counselor leaned over her desk and pulled a CD from a drawer. “I want you to think of the most relaxing place you have ever visited or wanted to visit. You just need a strong mental image of a place that reflects complete calm and peace.”

Lani thought for a moment and the picture of a secluded beach popped into her head. “My parents took me to visit the Hawaiian Islands where my mom’s ancestors lived. My great grandmother’s people once lived near that beach.”

“Excellent,” Dr Scott placed the CD into a player and pressed a button. Ocean waves echoed over the speakers. “That should help you imagine the place. Ok, close your eyes and imagine the beach.”

Lani shut her eyes tight and pictured herself on the beach. Bright white sand crunched beneath her feet and rubbed her toes. Sparkling aqua water rolled onto the sand in rhythmic intervals. The bright sun shone down on her and she felt it warm her. She walked across the sand and bent down to touch the water. The cool sea lapped at her hands and then rushed out toward the ocean again with a whoosh of salty air. A seagull flew overhead and shrieked out a call.

“Do you have the place firmly in your mind?” The doctor’s voice called from afar. “Can you see yourself there?” Lana nodded. “Good, now I want you to picture a bed in the middle of the beach. Think of a bed that is comforting to you.”

Still on the beach, Lani envisioned a bed she had seen in a catalogue. It had seemed so peaceful and comforting. The bed frame floated from the sky to the middle of the beach. Its large padded headboard was covered in brown damask and rose up like the back of an armchair with wings that surrounded the head of the bed. It sat on a box base covered in the same fabric. Then Lani imagined the blue tinged quilted bed covers on the bed. Its borders framed in the same chocolate fabric of the headboard. She just wanted to run and jump into the fluffy fabric and let it envelope her.

“Now, imagine the place has turned into evening and you are in the bed.” Her counselor said.

The sun faded into the horizon and turned the sky into a multi-hued palate before dipping out of sight. Lani stared up from under the bed covers into the glittering night sky. The stars above winked at her as the many lights blended with one another in a speckled vein across the sky.

“As you imagine yourself all alone in your bed, I want you to think of people who are close to you. Imagine them standing around you as you sleep.”

One by one, people popped into her mind. Her mom Ipolani, her dad James, Aunt Pua, Uncle Kanani, Grandma Wailani, Grandfather Imaikalani, her uncle Lee, cousin Jenna and many others that she loved all stood around her bed. They stood shoulder to shoulder and formed a human wall around her. All she could see were their accepting smiles and the stars above. She felt safe, protected, nothing could uncover her here. Lani smiled.

“Excellent.” Doctor Scott said more loudly. Lani’s eyes snapped open and she looked at the doctor.

“That’s it?”

“Yes,” the doctor smiled, “The idea is to exchange the bad mental image you have and give you a new image to think of when you go to sleep.”

“Oh! I think that will definitely work. I was so peaceful and felt so protected just now.”

“Good, now just bring yourself back to that place right before you go to bed and every time you begin to replay the mental images of your trauma.” Dr. Scott reached over to switch off the ocean CD. The room felt boring without the ocean sounds, but Lani finally felt good about going back to school.

“I wish we had done that earlier,” Lani added as she gathered her things to leave.

“This technique doesn’t work as well when you haven’t dealt with the other issues we’ve discussed these past months.” Dr. Scott handed Lani the CD in its case. “This will be much more helpful if you can play the CD all night at least until you get adjusted during the first few weeks of school. I am proud of you Lani. You have come such a long way.”

Lani blushed. “Thank you doctor Scott for all your help.” She rushed out the door. It was strange to say goodbye to someone who knew so much about her and who she knew so little about, yet she hoped she never had to see her again.

Lani ran to her car and threw her purse and books into the passenger seat. The CD Dr. Scott had given her slid into the car’s player easily. Several seconds of ocean sounds permeated the car before she closed the case and threw it into the passenger seat.

As the case flew over the stick shift, a flash of light reflected in her eyes. She picked up the case again and noticed a sticker on the front that said, “From the office of Dr. Mark Levine, Psychologist. Lani ejected the CD and studied it. It didn’t have a label; just some scribbled writing.

To Annie Scott
I hope these soothing sounds
wash away your bad memories.
Dr. Levine

Lani remembered that Dr. Scott had pulled the CD from her drawer before Lani ever said anything about the beach. Lani popped the CD back in and skipped through the tracks. Every single one was ocean sounds. A small pool formed in Lani’s eyes. She smiled and wiped the tears from her eyes. No more crying. The engine revved as she cranked the car into reverse and pulled out of the office driveway, ready for whatever lay ahead.