Journey to Emotional Freedom - Chapter 1

A Place for Emotions and Emotions in their Place

Over the course of this blog, I am going to be discussing some tools God can use or paths He can lead us toward emotional freedom. As with everything, these tools are “ways” God leads us to healing. They aren’t necessarily “THE WAY” God heals us. Some people have been healed miraculously, some through counseling, some through understanding themselves, some through fighting spiritual warfare, and some through confronting false beliefs. The list is endless. These are tools that God has personally shown me, but behind all of these tools is the same God and Savior. Emotional struggles are extremely complex and there is no one, quick fix solution. God has led me to each of these tools on my journey to emotional freedom. As I continue the struggle, I have each of these tools to use to help me on a daily basis. They have been vital as I continue to battle sin, personality flaws, past hurts, and pain. They help me to focus in on God’s truths and put my emotions in His perfect perspective.

For some of us, our emotions are an unfortunate part of life. They hinder us, bog us down and make life difficult. For some of us, our emotions are close to the surface and are tumultuous and unpredictable. Where they fly, we fly too. If we could, we would gladly become Data (the android from Star Trek: The Next Generation) who could mercifully switch his emotions on and off with the flick of a thought. The opposite problem exists for others of us who struggle to feel anything at all. You have emotions but your feelings run so deep you hardly understand them. You may be more like Tristan from the movie, “A River Runs Through It” who is deeply loved and yet manages to alienate and destroy a whole family with his inability to connect.

These two emotional extremes are hard for not only the person who struggles with them, but also for those who are close to them. On one hand, the extremely expressive may emotionally vomit on those around them and our loved ones may feel they need to protect themselves from our extremes. On the other hand, our loved ones may never know where they stand and deeply desire an emotional connection with those out of touch with their feelings. When emotions do surface, they are often explosive and not proportionate to the "crime." In between these two extremes run a gamut of other places we can be stuck emotionally. I have been at these two extremes and in every place in between. I would call myself a recovering emotional car wreck and can empathize with so many emotional struggles.

Emotions play a vital role in our relationships to one another and our relationship with God. If we are to be useful in the kingdom of God, I believe that our emotional life needs to be centered and in line with God’s perfect perspective. Sometimes we get so bogged down in the feelings we are or aren’t feeling that we don’t even know where to begin to deal with them. I learned in the journey God took me on that if our emotions are out of control, God cannot use us as greatly as He would like. If we are wounded, how can we help lead others to Him effectively? We need to be in control of our feelings so that He can guide us with his still small voice. If our emotions are louder than God or if we are cut off from our feelings or anything in between, we run the risk of “feeling” or “thinking” our way through our Christian walk instead of “abiding” as Jesus commands us to.

You have probably heard the saying, “God needs to be in the driver’s seat of our life.” I never liked that saying. It didn’t make sense to me. After all, we aren’t automatons or robots that God controls with puppet strings. We have free will and we can choose to listen to Him or not even after we have been saved. In David Stoop’s book, “You Are What You Think,” he had a much better example of how God helps us drive our car. Imagine yourself driving a special car that only you know how to drive. The car represents the totality of who you are: your body, soul and spirit. The road represents the life you are traveling down. Dr. Stoops says that we can respond in one of two ways when we are confused by our emotions. We can either become over controlling or overwhelmed.

“As we travel down the highway, we suddenly feel overwhelmed, so we decide to put the car on cruise control and jump in the backseat. Then we yell at God, our spouse, our children, our parents, or all of the above ‘You take over! I can’t drive anymore!’ As the car goes careening down the highway, hitting other cars, running over other people and bouncing off buildings, we sit there in a panic, saying ‘Somebody better get control of this thing!’ Perhaps God is sitting with us in the backseat, but all He can say is, ‘I can’t help you back here!’ And He explains, “I can’t do anything as long as you are sitting in the backseat. I can only help if you are in the driver’s seat- if you are in control.” I would add that in our panic, we are out of control. If God were to give us directions, we would be unable to act of them. Our fear, insecurities and overwhelmed emotions paralyze us. We in full-on “flight” mode.

Dr. Stoop goes on to state, “If we are over-controlling, we do just the opposite, we never leave the driver’s seat. But as we drive along, God….suggests we stop or slow down. But instead we panic and hit the gas pedal, swerving to avoid a collision.” When we are over-controlling we are often in “fight” mode. We argue with God and everyone else and we completely lose the ability to hear God. We can even purposefully drive over and into people with our control and anger.

The third reaction to our emotional confusion is “Freeze” mode. Stoop says, “…If we need to turn, we freeze and our arms become like cement. We can’t turn, so we end up hitting a brick wall. The only way to drive the car is to remain in control. That way if (God) suggests we slow down, we can slow down. If we need to make a turn, we make the turn. That’s self-control. That’s the way we are meant to live: exercising self-control in order to be in control.” We know that the Holy Spirit is the conduit through which we hear God, experience Christ and learn spiritual truths. So where is the Holy Spirit in this equation? For that we need another illustration.

My husband is terrible with directions. After 15 years struggling with wrong turns and missed exits, he admitted defeat and bought a GPS device. This handy little unit has solved many arguments between my husband and me. For the most part, I have been relieved of my position as navigator and can happily enjoy the ride without worrying about whether we will actually make it to our destination. My husband is able to plug the address into the GPS and it gives him turn by turn instructions. It even has a positive reinforcement tool to let him know that he has made the right decision. It will say to continue down this road or turn in so many feet and when has made the right decision, it happily chimes like an old-fashioned door bell, “ding dong.” It is now a running joke that when he forgets his GPS, I copy the unit’s tone of voice as I give him directions and even add the little bell chime when he has listened to me correctly. It may seem silly, but we have avoided a lot of arguments this way.

If we are in control of our emotions and they are in perfectly placed within God’s truth, we are free to listen to our “still small” GPS unit called the Holy Spirit. Just like the unit, we don’t get any more instructions than what we need right in front of us. If we listen to the Holy Spirit and obey the directions God is giving us, our emotions are the little chimes that ring. In Galatians 5:22-23, we are told that the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, generosity, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. These positive feelings are our chimes that let us know we are on the right track, but they only come after we begin to follow the instructions that God gives us, not before. If we placed our emotions at the improper place, we could be easily led astray. Emotions are the trailer hitched up to our car. These positive traits are the evidence of and reward for obedience. If you have ever backed up a car with a trailer hitched up to the back, you know how difficult it can be. Just like a wayward trailer, emotions are unpredictable and can easily lead us astray. It is best to keep moving forward with the directions that we have been given.

Our faith in God fuels our car. It is what keeps us following the Holy Spirit even when we don’t understand the directions or detours He gives us. Our faith is what trusts God’s character when bad things happen. When would we ever feel like loving our enemies, blessing those who persecute us or praying for those who spitefully use us? This is an impossible task and one that cannot be driven by our emotions. After all, in Luke 9:23 Jesus said that on a daily basis we must deny ourselves, pick up our cross, and follow Him. Sometimes during hard times, I found that it is even a moment by moment choice to continue my Christian walk by faith and not by what I feel or see around me.

The final piece is God’s truth which is the engine of our car. This isn’t something that will happen overnight, but as we come to believe more and more of God’s word our emotions also begin to come into a more perfect balance. As we traverse this emotional journey together, I will share with you how God led me to emotional freedom. I didn’t always “feel” close to God, but I have learned that continued obedience and seeking God eventually leads us to breakthroughs in emotional struggles. For me, this usually occurred when I finally understand the truth that He has been trying to speak to me and believed that truth. If you have found yourself stuck emotionally, I want to encourage you to ask God to reveal the truths you need for your emotional breakthrough. I promise that on the other side is real, lasting peace and abundant living that is worth digging around inside to find.