Death to Self

Galatians 2:20
I have been crucified with Christ; and it is no longer I that live, but Christ living in me: and that [life] which I now live in the flesh I live in faith, [the faith] which is in the Son of God, who loved me, and gave himself up for me.

In the Lord of the Rings Trilogy, Frodo, a hobbit, must carry an evil ring to the Fires of Mordor in order to destroy it. Along the way, another hobbit named Sméagol joins him. This hobbit had come into possession of the evil ring years before and it twisted his body and mind. His alter ego, Gollum, is obsessed with the ring and desires it above everything. It ruined his life and enslaved him, yet he can’t do without “his precious.” As Frodo, Gollum and Frodo’s friend Sam travel to Mount Doom to destroy the ring, it begins to work its change on Frodo. Sam sees the change in his friend and desperately wants to help lighten the load, but Frodo is now as repulsed and drawn to the ring as Gollum/Sméagol.

Sometimes I wonder why God does certain things in my life or allows certain things to happen. As a PK, I know all the "spiritual" reasons....like building faith, perseverance and becoming more Christ-like, but I just can't help wondering why He allows these particular problems into my life. Why not another problem? My friend and I have a similar problem on the opposite end of the spectrum and our conversations usually go something like this....

"I wish I had more...I am just so tired of being...."
"Jeez, I have more than enough of ..... I wish I had less of… Let's trade. You can deal with… and I will deal with..."
"Deal...Lets do it."

And if we could, we would be more than happy to trade problems, because I don't see her issue as a problem and she doesn't see mine as that big a problem. It is amazing to me how God allows only certain situations into our lives unique to our experiences, our personalities, abilities and challenges to our growth.

Sometimes situations are the result of my sin or needed growth areas, but some are just random bi-products of living in a sinful world. Those are the problems that really get me and I can't seem to get past them very easily. It is the little kid in me that screams and stomps her feet and yells, "This is so unfair. Why do I have to deal with this particular problem? Why not another problem that is easier." It doesn't help when the problem is still there years later despite all my best efforts to get rid of it. It hangs on like a rapid animal biting my heels. I can't seem to shake it and it keeps coming back to infect me over and over.

I know. I know....the pithy Christian retort goes something like this, "Well, you are going to keep dealing with this problem until it is truly solved. You just haven't really changed yet." Therein lays the problem. I have tried everything I know to try and done everything I have known to do and have "given" the issue over to God a million times. I know I am stubborn. At a certain point, why can’t I just roll over and truly give it to God. That is the process that is so difficult to go through...death to self.

I cling to the very last shreds of self and hold its putrid essence close to me. Even though it stinks and often ruins the very thing I want to change. I just can't give it up. It is "my precious" and I can't seem let it go even though it may turn me rancid and ruin me.

That is the journey I face and I think most of us face: the everyday challenge of dying to self-will, self-love, self-indulgence. It is the very thing that started this whole mess of sin when Adam and Eve decided they wanted to elevate themselves to the level of God. It is really the only challenge we face. All other problems are wrapped up in this one sin: the sin of self-centered living.

Philippians 1:21 says, “For me to live is Christ, and to die is gain.” I think this refers to more than just physical death. Every day, I must battle the self-centered sinful being inside that doesn't want to die so that Christ may live in me. Every day, I must hope that I die in order that I might one day truly live.