OK, so all my previous posts have been writings that had been sitting around for a while. I have been rewriting and editing the roughs I scratched out and have been slowly posting them. A month or so ago, I met with my pastor's wife about the desire to develop my writing and teaching talents. I asked her to mentor me into a leadership position fully expecting her to say, "Let's first start by setting up some chairs" or other small ministry. What she actually said was, "You don't need to be mentored, we just need to start your own ministry and you can learn as you go."
After I picked myself off the floor, I was equally excited and nauseous at the same time. After a year praying about what God wanted me to do with these talents, I didn't know if I was ready to just jump right in. Well, I had opened the door and ask God to reveal what he wanted me to do and He did, so I kept going. We discussed the different needs of the church, created a survey at a women's event and prayed about God's leading.
Over the next couple of weeks, God confirmed the same theme in conversations with friends, family, leadership and random people. Everyone was saying the same thing....people need help with emotional struggles. This is interesting because that has been the running theme of my personal and spiritual growth. Once we made the decision, the words started flowing. It is awesome to see God providing direction and bringing the right words together.
So, starting the first of October I will be teaching a class I call "Pathways to Emotional Wholeness." (if you have a better name, I would be happy to consider it). So for a while, I will be busily researching and writing the material for the class instead of posting. There are many of you who may be interested in either the topic or what God is doing with my writing. Starting in October, I will be posting my materials. If you want, you could follow along with the class and even complete the weekly homework.
I hope you will consider joining the class online and thank you all for reading my blogs so far. I find it awesome how God answers prayer as soon as we decide to get moving in the right direction.
Here are the topics for each week:
1. Week One - Past Things First: A Biblical Perspective on Counseling
2. Week Two - The Mind Body Connection: How your thoughts affect your emotions and how your emotions affect your body
3. Week Three - Boundaries: Drawing appropriate emotional lines
4. Week Four - “Know Thyself”: Understanding who you were created to be
5. Week Five - Our Heavenly Parent: Understanding emotions, sin and God’s Discipline
6. Week Six - The Road to the Wound: Healing Trauma with Truth
7. Week Seven - This Present Darkness: Preparing for the battle around us
8. Week Eight - Fighting the good fight: Using our tools and the attributes of emotional health
I hope to see you here!
Farah
Thursday, July 31, 2008
Wednesday, July 30, 2008
Turn, Turn, Turn Part 2
Back then I would have completely agreed with you that I was the last person that should have been having a kid. I was terrified to death that I was going to ruin my child for life. After all, how can you be a good parent when you don’t even want a child? I kept hoping for that magic moment that all my friends talked about. You know the ones in the movies when you see the little alien baby on the monitor for the first time and you look at your husband with loving eyes at the child you have created together. No, not that one? What about the time you look at your growing belly, feel the life growing inside you and love springs up before they ever arrive. No, not that one either? Then how about the time they kick out your insides when you are watching a TV show they don’t approve of until it feels like you are being disemboweled? Hmmm…ok. What about the fully rendered 4D video and sound quality movie set to music you pay over $200 dollars for so you can see your child’s face and hands in perfect detail? Phew…that one sparked an emotion? Me too!
Anyway, where was I? A yes, I was talking about my complete lack of qualifications for parenting or writing about being a parent. I had been bawling on and off for 9 months before my son was born, trying everything possible to spark a sense of joy about our coming arrival, but all I could think about was how bad a mother I was going to be, if I would ever be able to love my child and how I was doomed to ruin his life forever. My dad later said that he knew I would be a wonderful mother because I was so maternal toward animals. I am glad he believed in me because besides him and three other people, I don’t know another person who honestly believed I was qualified either. Even if they did believe in my parenting abilities, I think they were with me about being supremely scared and worried about how it was going to all turn out.
Even when I brought my son home from the hospital for the first time, I cried. I can’t tell you the havoc that did to my thoughts about being a bad mother. After 5 painful days in the hospital with minor complications from the c-section, I was sent home. Wouldn’t you know my son decided to complicate my emotional life more by refusing to breastfeed despite six highly qualified lactation consultants helping me! My husband brought all our gear downstairs because I couldn’t navigate the stairs yet. All the while, I was sitting on the couch holding my son bawling like a baby. I looked up at him with my tear-drenched face and said, “What do we do with him now?” My husband burst out laughing, but I was serious. I hadn’t the first clue about what to do and with no mom around to help, I was utterly defeated. My worst fear had come true. I was already a bad mother and I hadn’t even been home 5 minutes yet.
Not knowing what to do I mimicked the behavior of all things motherly from every source I could get my hands on whether it was church, other parents, my sisters, relatives, friends, books, seminars or magazines. I tried them all. I knew that one of them was bound to work. Until I felt the feelings, I was faithful to at least do the things that I should do to support my child physically, emotionally and spiritually. I didn’t realize that all the time and energy I was spending with my son trying to be the perfect mom was building a relationship with him. Before I knew it I had been transformed.
Now almost 6 years after that first pregnancy test, I can see God’s hand in my life all through my pregnancy and child raising. It often amazes me how God carried me through, provided support, brought healing and most importantly gave me an unshakeable love for my children. My sister commented after I had my son, how my attitude changed towards all children. Before I cringed and was outright hostile towards kids, but afterward my heart was so softened towards parents and children. Every baby was beautiful and every mom was in need of tremendous emotional support. I can only explain this change in the light of God’s mercy. Although I was fiercely protective of my son at first, I didn’t have those instant feelings of love, bonding and affection for him. Initially, my main motivator was to "not fail" and "to be a good mom", whatever that meant. I won’t tell you the actual time it took for me to lay aside those fears of becoming a bad mother, because the process may seem too long to you. However, God and I were working furiously on the problem (and I knew it was a problem).
What had been a mistake on our end had never been a mistake on God’s end. He had planned and purposed the birth of my son before the world began. I learned that the God who did that wouldn’t allow me to ruin my child’s life and more importantly would teach me how to love my children. God had a plan for my child and a plan for me through that child. Before children, I would have rarely changed something about myself that was sin. I had been holding onto my fears like a precious commodity. I allowed my fears to run my life and taint my view of children. My fears were so strong that wherever they swung, I followed, and they had me by the coat tails. There was no room for God with all the fear I held on to and so I didn’t change. I was too afraid to change. It was too painful and my fears were my children. I comforted them, cared for them and nurtured them.
After I had kids, I was supremely motivated to change and would tackle any mountain of sin in my life that needed tackling. My children were my motivation. My fear of causing them great emotional pain drove me to change. Eventually that fear turned into love. Self-preservation and love of my fear were driven out by a love for God and a love for my children. I would change for them what I would have stubbornly clung to before. I would do for my kids what I would never have done for myself and God in His infinite grace, wisdom and truth knew this about me. Can I get a Hallelujah!?
He knew that the only way He was going to get me on my knees was to give me the very challenging, out of my control fear-filled situation I dreaded. And yet, what a blessing it has been! Not only have my children blessed my family with their lives and blessed me with their love, but I have become so much more of a blessing to every single person I encounter because the light of God shines through me. What an awesome God we serve! I can’t imagine life without my fun son and my sweet daughter. What I considered to be the biggest mistake God ever made was turned into something beautiful. God is not always going to work the same in everyone’s life. My pain of having children may be your pain of not having children or losing a child. My fear of ruining my child’s life may be a fear of another color in your life, but I can assure you that God’s timing is never off and His plans are always good! He will make something beautiful, but only in His time, in His way and in His perfect plan.
Anyway, where was I? A yes, I was talking about my complete lack of qualifications for parenting or writing about being a parent. I had been bawling on and off for 9 months before my son was born, trying everything possible to spark a sense of joy about our coming arrival, but all I could think about was how bad a mother I was going to be, if I would ever be able to love my child and how I was doomed to ruin his life forever. My dad later said that he knew I would be a wonderful mother because I was so maternal toward animals. I am glad he believed in me because besides him and three other people, I don’t know another person who honestly believed I was qualified either. Even if they did believe in my parenting abilities, I think they were with me about being supremely scared and worried about how it was going to all turn out.
Even when I brought my son home from the hospital for the first time, I cried. I can’t tell you the havoc that did to my thoughts about being a bad mother. After 5 painful days in the hospital with minor complications from the c-section, I was sent home. Wouldn’t you know my son decided to complicate my emotional life more by refusing to breastfeed despite six highly qualified lactation consultants helping me! My husband brought all our gear downstairs because I couldn’t navigate the stairs yet. All the while, I was sitting on the couch holding my son bawling like a baby. I looked up at him with my tear-drenched face and said, “What do we do with him now?” My husband burst out laughing, but I was serious. I hadn’t the first clue about what to do and with no mom around to help, I was utterly defeated. My worst fear had come true. I was already a bad mother and I hadn’t even been home 5 minutes yet.
Not knowing what to do I mimicked the behavior of all things motherly from every source I could get my hands on whether it was church, other parents, my sisters, relatives, friends, books, seminars or magazines. I tried them all. I knew that one of them was bound to work. Until I felt the feelings, I was faithful to at least do the things that I should do to support my child physically, emotionally and spiritually. I didn’t realize that all the time and energy I was spending with my son trying to be the perfect mom was building a relationship with him. Before I knew it I had been transformed.
Now almost 6 years after that first pregnancy test, I can see God’s hand in my life all through my pregnancy and child raising. It often amazes me how God carried me through, provided support, brought healing and most importantly gave me an unshakeable love for my children. My sister commented after I had my son, how my attitude changed towards all children. Before I cringed and was outright hostile towards kids, but afterward my heart was so softened towards parents and children. Every baby was beautiful and every mom was in need of tremendous emotional support. I can only explain this change in the light of God’s mercy. Although I was fiercely protective of my son at first, I didn’t have those instant feelings of love, bonding and affection for him. Initially, my main motivator was to "not fail" and "to be a good mom", whatever that meant. I won’t tell you the actual time it took for me to lay aside those fears of becoming a bad mother, because the process may seem too long to you. However, God and I were working furiously on the problem (and I knew it was a problem).
What had been a mistake on our end had never been a mistake on God’s end. He had planned and purposed the birth of my son before the world began. I learned that the God who did that wouldn’t allow me to ruin my child’s life and more importantly would teach me how to love my children. God had a plan for my child and a plan for me through that child. Before children, I would have rarely changed something about myself that was sin. I had been holding onto my fears like a precious commodity. I allowed my fears to run my life and taint my view of children. My fears were so strong that wherever they swung, I followed, and they had me by the coat tails. There was no room for God with all the fear I held on to and so I didn’t change. I was too afraid to change. It was too painful and my fears were my children. I comforted them, cared for them and nurtured them.
After I had kids, I was supremely motivated to change and would tackle any mountain of sin in my life that needed tackling. My children were my motivation. My fear of causing them great emotional pain drove me to change. Eventually that fear turned into love. Self-preservation and love of my fear were driven out by a love for God and a love for my children. I would change for them what I would have stubbornly clung to before. I would do for my kids what I would never have done for myself and God in His infinite grace, wisdom and truth knew this about me. Can I get a Hallelujah!?
He knew that the only way He was going to get me on my knees was to give me the very challenging, out of my control fear-filled situation I dreaded. And yet, what a blessing it has been! Not only have my children blessed my family with their lives and blessed me with their love, but I have become so much more of a blessing to every single person I encounter because the light of God shines through me. What an awesome God we serve! I can’t imagine life without my fun son and my sweet daughter. What I considered to be the biggest mistake God ever made was turned into something beautiful. God is not always going to work the same in everyone’s life. My pain of having children may be your pain of not having children or losing a child. My fear of ruining my child’s life may be a fear of another color in your life, but I can assure you that God’s timing is never off and His plans are always good! He will make something beautiful, but only in His time, in His way and in His perfect plan.
Friday, July 25, 2008
Turn, Turn, Turn Part 1
(Hang tight with me to the end on this one. Part two to come...)
Ecclesiastes 3:11 “God gave us the ability to think about his world. But we can never completely understand everything God does. And yet, God does everything at just the right time.” The Amplified Version of this verse says, “He has made everything beautiful in its time.”
Jeremiah 29:11 “I say this because I know the plans that I have for you." This message is from the Lord. "I have good plans for you. I don't plan to hurt you. I plan to give you hope and a good future.”
I never intended to have children….EVER! Throughout my life, my dad often told me that I was born thirty and it showed when it came to kids. The older I got, the more I found childish antics irritating. I grew up with three sisters, of whom, I was the second child but was as responsible as a first child. My mother ran a daycare until I was in 6th grade and often 10 other children graced our home. Back in the early 80’s when childcare laws in the Midwest were much more lax and you could legally spank daycare children, which maybe made it much easier to watch 14 children. Although my mom was very organized it was still chaotic in a kid sort of way. My mother also took in a cousin starting at age two and she lived with us on and off throughout her life. Later during high school, our little neighbor practically lived with my younger sisters as they played together so often at our house. Then my oldest sister decided to “adopt” a teen in crisis and we were all enlisted into the drama of helping this wayward girl.
Then there were countless hours spent assisting in various children’s ministries at church when there weren’t enough volunteers. Let’s see, there was endless nursery duty, the toddler room, children’s church, high school leadership team and a two year stint as the junior high director where I lead a team of volunteers, taught two days a week and attended all functions. Let’s not go into the babysitting days which started as early as 10 when I would watch our neighbor kids while their mom went to the grocery store. As a parent now, I can’t imagine allowing a 10 year old to watch my children, so I was either responsible or they were nuts. Then I spent every day for a month or so babysitting a family friend’s two week old baby. Oh, I almost forgot about my summer fling filling in for a preschool aid at my church preschool. I think that covers everything imaginable right? Well, everything except pregnancy, but after my mom’s chats with countless friends who graced our home with their pregnancy woes that illusion was shattered as well.
I had probably more than 10 years of childcare or child work experience before I ever got married and I was very tired of watching kids. There were a lot more reasons behind this, but it started out as a complete desire NOT to watch kids ever again. I had never been much of a kid and spending so much of my childhood caring for other people’s children gave me a real inside look. Have you ever been to a magic show and had the secret to the spectacular trick revealed, or seen your favorite star without her makeup and flaws airbrushed out. These Wizard of Oz moments where you get a glimpse at the man behind the curtain really deflate all the magic, mystery and glitter. You almost need that bubble around you before you have kids or you would have been just like me and declared on your wedding day that you “will not allow children to be present at your wedding or the rehearsal because they ruin everything”. Then afterward you would tell your husband you “really don’t care to have children”, while deep down inside you are sitting down with arms folded ready to put a chastity belt on until he agrees that having children is a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad idea.
Let me be very clear that I had absolutely no illusions as to how much work raising a child would be. I knew what happened during every stage of parenting and had “been there, done that” many times over or so I thought. I was not eager to do that again, EVER. At times, I was downright hostile towards parents and their “little demon spawn.” I may have tolerably fooled people with my sarcastic remarks, but I wasn’t kidding. I was almost venomous about children and didn’t want to be anywhere within a hundred yards of the “creatures.”
Of course, when I got married and declared my utter lack of interest in all things children, my family blew me off and laughed. Maybe they didn’t understand the intensity of my “no children EVER” policy. Then friends would tell me “other people’s children are so much different than your own.” I would scoff inside as they moved blissfully unaware into pregnancy. Then I would laugh to myself when they started to complain about how much harder it was than they thought and how they were so tired all the time and how they never got to do anything anymore…..whine, whine, whine. I laughed because I had warned them and they never listened. What could I know? I didn’t have kids, right?
At age 24, my husband and I were two months away from convincing our doctor that we in fact did not want children EVER, when the unthinkable occurred. I got pregnant. And if I told you the juvenile way we got pregnant you would laugh your head off. Folks and I am not naming names here, but let’s just say that after the first time all the swimmy guys are NOT all gone when the second time rolls around. Ok, laugh, get it out...and then let’s move on. I knew it had happened before I even got in the shower and as we used to say in the Midwest I was hoppin’ mad. Six weeks and four pregnancy tests later, it was confirmed. I cried like a baby for the whole 9 months and then some.
Now, you may be asking yourself at this point, “WHAT IN THE WORLD IS THIS WOMAN WRITING ABOUT THIS FOR?” Just hold on, there is a happy ending! I just need to you to understand to depths of my insanity first. I know, I know... I was awful.
Ecclesiastes 3:11 “God gave us the ability to think about his world. But we can never completely understand everything God does. And yet, God does everything at just the right time.” The Amplified Version of this verse says, “He has made everything beautiful in its time.”
Jeremiah 29:11 “I say this because I know the plans that I have for you." This message is from the Lord. "I have good plans for you. I don't plan to hurt you. I plan to give you hope and a good future.”
I never intended to have children….EVER! Throughout my life, my dad often told me that I was born thirty and it showed when it came to kids. The older I got, the more I found childish antics irritating. I grew up with three sisters, of whom, I was the second child but was as responsible as a first child. My mother ran a daycare until I was in 6th grade and often 10 other children graced our home. Back in the early 80’s when childcare laws in the Midwest were much more lax and you could legally spank daycare children, which maybe made it much easier to watch 14 children. Although my mom was very organized it was still chaotic in a kid sort of way. My mother also took in a cousin starting at age two and she lived with us on and off throughout her life. Later during high school, our little neighbor practically lived with my younger sisters as they played together so often at our house. Then my oldest sister decided to “adopt” a teen in crisis and we were all enlisted into the drama of helping this wayward girl.
Then there were countless hours spent assisting in various children’s ministries at church when there weren’t enough volunteers. Let’s see, there was endless nursery duty, the toddler room, children’s church, high school leadership team and a two year stint as the junior high director where I lead a team of volunteers, taught two days a week and attended all functions. Let’s not go into the babysitting days which started as early as 10 when I would watch our neighbor kids while their mom went to the grocery store. As a parent now, I can’t imagine allowing a 10 year old to watch my children, so I was either responsible or they were nuts. Then I spent every day for a month or so babysitting a family friend’s two week old baby. Oh, I almost forgot about my summer fling filling in for a preschool aid at my church preschool. I think that covers everything imaginable right? Well, everything except pregnancy, but after my mom’s chats with countless friends who graced our home with their pregnancy woes that illusion was shattered as well.
I had probably more than 10 years of childcare or child work experience before I ever got married and I was very tired of watching kids. There were a lot more reasons behind this, but it started out as a complete desire NOT to watch kids ever again. I had never been much of a kid and spending so much of my childhood caring for other people’s children gave me a real inside look. Have you ever been to a magic show and had the secret to the spectacular trick revealed, or seen your favorite star without her makeup and flaws airbrushed out. These Wizard of Oz moments where you get a glimpse at the man behind the curtain really deflate all the magic, mystery and glitter. You almost need that bubble around you before you have kids or you would have been just like me and declared on your wedding day that you “will not allow children to be present at your wedding or the rehearsal because they ruin everything”. Then afterward you would tell your husband you “really don’t care to have children”, while deep down inside you are sitting down with arms folded ready to put a chastity belt on until he agrees that having children is a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad idea.
Let me be very clear that I had absolutely no illusions as to how much work raising a child would be. I knew what happened during every stage of parenting and had “been there, done that” many times over or so I thought. I was not eager to do that again, EVER. At times, I was downright hostile towards parents and their “little demon spawn.” I may have tolerably fooled people with my sarcastic remarks, but I wasn’t kidding. I was almost venomous about children and didn’t want to be anywhere within a hundred yards of the “creatures.”
Of course, when I got married and declared my utter lack of interest in all things children, my family blew me off and laughed. Maybe they didn’t understand the intensity of my “no children EVER” policy. Then friends would tell me “other people’s children are so much different than your own.” I would scoff inside as they moved blissfully unaware into pregnancy. Then I would laugh to myself when they started to complain about how much harder it was than they thought and how they were so tired all the time and how they never got to do anything anymore…..whine, whine, whine. I laughed because I had warned them and they never listened. What could I know? I didn’t have kids, right?
At age 24, my husband and I were two months away from convincing our doctor that we in fact did not want children EVER, when the unthinkable occurred. I got pregnant. And if I told you the juvenile way we got pregnant you would laugh your head off. Folks and I am not naming names here, but let’s just say that after the first time all the swimmy guys are NOT all gone when the second time rolls around. Ok, laugh, get it out...and then let’s move on. I knew it had happened before I even got in the shower and as we used to say in the Midwest I was hoppin’ mad. Six weeks and four pregnancy tests later, it was confirmed. I cried like a baby for the whole 9 months and then some.
Now, you may be asking yourself at this point, “WHAT IN THE WORLD IS THIS WOMAN WRITING ABOUT THIS FOR?” Just hold on, there is a happy ending! I just need to you to understand to depths of my insanity first. I know, I know... I was awful.
Sunday, July 20, 2008
Things from the Deep
Psalm 121:1-8 “I will lift up my eyes to the mountains; from where shall my help come? My help comes from the LORD, who made heaven and earth. He will not allow your foot to slip; He who keeps you will not slumber. Behold, He who keeps Israel will neither slumber nor sleep. The LORD is your keeper; The LORD is your shade on your right hand. The sun will not smite you by day or the moon by night. The LORD will protect you from all evil; He will keep your soul. The LORD will guard your going out and your coming in from this time forth and forever.”
I had taken a week off, dropped the kids off at Grandma and Grandpa’s house and flown from San Diego to Portland to visit my younger sister, Christa. My older sister, Nicole, had joined us from Spokane and we decided to hang out on the sandy edge of the Willamette River. Nicole was training for a triathlon and wanted to practice swimming in the slow moving river. Although there was nothing to be afraid of, the water below was murky, confusing and often frightening when slimy river weeds brushed up against her. She also couldn’t see as she swam. It was only when she lifted her head out of the water to take a breath that she could see in front of her.
I offered to walk ahead of her in the 3 1/2 foot water to pave the way. I ran through the water a distance ahead and cleared the water of plants or sticks that might scare her during the swim. Until I got the hang of going before her and clearing the way, we had a number of screaming incidents that probably amused the local sunbathers that day. Every so often I would get too far ahead and she couldn’t see me when she lifted her eyes up. If she couldn’t see me anymore she would completely stop for fear that she had gone off path and swam too far out. I eventually got into a rhythm and was able to walk just enough ahead that I could spot and remove offending objects but still be close enough so that she could see me every time she came up for air. As long as I did this, she was able to swim continuously and train harder than she would have been able to otherwise.
As I walked along, I thought about a few verses that describe how God does this in my life every day. Isaiah 45:2a says, “I will go before you and level the mountains [to make the crooked places straight.” Isaiah 52:12b says, “For the LORD will go before you, and the God of Israel will be your rear guard.” I love these verses because they describe God going before us and behind us. We are supremely protected in our walk with Christ because He has gone before us in everything we will experience. He knows what is to come and has gone before to clear the way. Equally, God is behind us protecting us from harm.
I am especially fond of Psalm 121. It is extremely comforting to know that God is not in the business of tripping us up, sleeping on the job, letting us slip, falling behind, neglecting to protect us from evil or abandoning his post. There have been many times in my life where I have forgotten to lift my eyes up from the murky waters of life I have been swimming in, but had I done so I would have found God ahead of me preparing the way. I often wonder where the help that God promises is, and I don’t remember that his help comes in many forms. Sometimes he is a shade, sometimes he protects from evil, other times he removes obstacles or stands guard. Whatever form that help does come and I can rest assured that “God is who He says He is” and “God can do what He says He can do” (Beth Moore, Believing God). We just need to believe that He is guarding our coming in and going out. He is ahead of us; we just need to lift our eyes out of the muck and swim straight for Him.
Additional Reference: Isa 43:15-21
I had taken a week off, dropped the kids off at Grandma and Grandpa’s house and flown from San Diego to Portland to visit my younger sister, Christa. My older sister, Nicole, had joined us from Spokane and we decided to hang out on the sandy edge of the Willamette River. Nicole was training for a triathlon and wanted to practice swimming in the slow moving river. Although there was nothing to be afraid of, the water below was murky, confusing and often frightening when slimy river weeds brushed up against her. She also couldn’t see as she swam. It was only when she lifted her head out of the water to take a breath that she could see in front of her.
I offered to walk ahead of her in the 3 1/2 foot water to pave the way. I ran through the water a distance ahead and cleared the water of plants or sticks that might scare her during the swim. Until I got the hang of going before her and clearing the way, we had a number of screaming incidents that probably amused the local sunbathers that day. Every so often I would get too far ahead and she couldn’t see me when she lifted her eyes up. If she couldn’t see me anymore she would completely stop for fear that she had gone off path and swam too far out. I eventually got into a rhythm and was able to walk just enough ahead that I could spot and remove offending objects but still be close enough so that she could see me every time she came up for air. As long as I did this, she was able to swim continuously and train harder than she would have been able to otherwise.
As I walked along, I thought about a few verses that describe how God does this in my life every day. Isaiah 45:2a says, “I will go before you and level the mountains [to make the crooked places straight.” Isaiah 52:12b says, “For the LORD will go before you, and the God of Israel will be your rear guard.” I love these verses because they describe God going before us and behind us. We are supremely protected in our walk with Christ because He has gone before us in everything we will experience. He knows what is to come and has gone before to clear the way. Equally, God is behind us protecting us from harm.
I am especially fond of Psalm 121. It is extremely comforting to know that God is not in the business of tripping us up, sleeping on the job, letting us slip, falling behind, neglecting to protect us from evil or abandoning his post. There have been many times in my life where I have forgotten to lift my eyes up from the murky waters of life I have been swimming in, but had I done so I would have found God ahead of me preparing the way. I often wonder where the help that God promises is, and I don’t remember that his help comes in many forms. Sometimes he is a shade, sometimes he protects from evil, other times he removes obstacles or stands guard. Whatever form that help does come and I can rest assured that “God is who He says He is” and “God can do what He says He can do” (Beth Moore, Believing God). We just need to believe that He is guarding our coming in and going out. He is ahead of us; we just need to lift our eyes out of the muck and swim straight for Him.
Additional Reference: Isa 43:15-21
Tuesday, July 15, 2008
Trust is the Stuff
2 Sam 22:31 says, “As for God, His way is perfect; the word of the LORD is proven; He is a shield to all who trust in Him.”
When my son was little, he could pierce eardrums whenever the tiniest drop of water landed in his face. When I washed his hair, he would thrash around, duck his head, and writhe. With his antics, it was impossible NOT to get water on his face. Then I had an idea. I laid him in shallow water and rested his head on my arm. I spoke to him until he relaxed. “Don’t I always take care of you? Trust me to take care of you.” When he was relaxed and trusted me, the transformation was miraculous. He giggled, laughed, and had fun washing his hair. Until my son stopped thrashing and started trusting, I couldn’t take care of him. His own actions always caused the very thing to happen he feared the most. It was only when he was still and allowed me to work that I could do what I needed to do without harming him.
In this verse, God implies the same question, “Haven’t I always taken care of you?” After reading this, I knew that God wanted me to stop struggling and trust Him. He couldn’t do what He needed to do in my life until I was still, until I came to the end of myself, until I realized that He could wash me clean so much better. Only when I was still could God do what He needed to do in my life. If I stop struggling, life doesn’t have to be so hard. His shield will protect me if I stop fighting for myself and let Him fight for me.
Trust God to take care of you. He is the answer to your struggle.
When my son was little, he could pierce eardrums whenever the tiniest drop of water landed in his face. When I washed his hair, he would thrash around, duck his head, and writhe. With his antics, it was impossible NOT to get water on his face. Then I had an idea. I laid him in shallow water and rested his head on my arm. I spoke to him until he relaxed. “Don’t I always take care of you? Trust me to take care of you.” When he was relaxed and trusted me, the transformation was miraculous. He giggled, laughed, and had fun washing his hair. Until my son stopped thrashing and started trusting, I couldn’t take care of him. His own actions always caused the very thing to happen he feared the most. It was only when he was still and allowed me to work that I could do what I needed to do without harming him.
In this verse, God implies the same question, “Haven’t I always taken care of you?” After reading this, I knew that God wanted me to stop struggling and trust Him. He couldn’t do what He needed to do in my life until I was still, until I came to the end of myself, until I realized that He could wash me clean so much better. Only when I was still could God do what He needed to do in my life. If I stop struggling, life doesn’t have to be so hard. His shield will protect me if I stop fighting for myself and let Him fight for me.
Trust God to take care of you. He is the answer to your struggle.
Thursday, July 10, 2008
He is Here
You’ve been battered and bruised
Browbeat and broken
Crushed beyond all hope of repair
You think you’re alone
That you’re the only one
Who feels this pain within
When your pain is so great
It has you coming undone
He has a plan
Through Jesus, His Son
Jesus is the God who feels
He is the God who heals
He sees your every tear
And hears your every cry
He is here
He won’t leave your side
He never leaves
He is here
The earth is His footstool
God is big enough for all
He moves kings like pawns
God is in control
If you believe, you will see
He is Lord over all
He can heal your broken heart
And mend your wounded soul
He formed the universe
and clothed the birds
Will He not move your mountains
Don't you know you how much you’re worth
He is here
He holds you gently like a child
He whispers softly in your ear
He holds you close like a true love
He loves you like a lover
When you fall on your knees
And declare He is God
He will say, “I have seen every tear,
I have heard every cry,
I am building a new you
In the image of my Son”
Hold tight, Hold fast
As the tempest swirls around
For in the eye of the storm
Your perfect love and peace will be found
Browbeat and broken
Crushed beyond all hope of repair
You think you’re alone
That you’re the only one
Who feels this pain within
When your pain is so great
It has you coming undone
He has a plan
Through Jesus, His Son
Jesus is the God who feels
He is the God who heals
He sees your every tear
And hears your every cry
He is here
He won’t leave your side
He never leaves
He is here
The earth is His footstool
God is big enough for all
He moves kings like pawns
God is in control
If you believe, you will see
He is Lord over all
He can heal your broken heart
And mend your wounded soul
He formed the universe
and clothed the birds
Will He not move your mountains
Don't you know you how much you’re worth
He is here
He holds you gently like a child
He whispers softly in your ear
He holds you close like a true love
He loves you like a lover
When you fall on your knees
And declare He is God
He will say, “I have seen every tear,
I have heard every cry,
I am building a new you
In the image of my Son”
Hold tight, Hold fast
As the tempest swirls around
For in the eye of the storm
Your perfect love and peace will be found
Saturday, July 5, 2008
The God of the Desert Places - Part 2
During David’s first time in the desert, he became very familiar with the wooden staff that shepherds used. No doubt you have seen one in every nativity. It is a wooden stick with a crook on the end. It had many purposes for the shepherd. It was used to count and number the sheep as they entered their makeshift pens each night. The crook was used as a tool to rescue animals from thickets and crevices. It was also used as a tool to direct the sheep where to go, push them forward or pull along stragglers. The rod perhaps refers to the bottom portion of the staff. It would have been used to drive away dogs or wild animals. An interesting aspect of the rod is one of chastisement. It has been said that during ancient times, shepherds would use the rod to break the legs of consistently wayward sheep. They would then carry that lamb on their shoulders until the breaks healed. By the time the sheep was healed, it was bonded with the shepherd and would stay close to Him afterward.
Knowing God’s rescuing staff is ready to scoop me from the dark crevices of the rocks I fall into, making sure I am counted in the fold every night or to helping me when I straggle is definitely comforting to me. It is easy to see how the staff would have been a comfort to David too, but perhaps he also learned to appreciate the rod of God during those desert times of his life. David could have left the rod out of his description of comfort. We could argue that the defensive aspects of the rod are comforting and that the rod was meant to protect us not harm us. However, the offensive use of the rod is almost disconcerting. Would God really cripple us to draw us closer to Him? Isn’t that forcing Himself on us and overriding our free will?
I can say from experience that my time in the desert in no way over rode my free will. I had been skirting around the desert for years, wandering in and out of desert territory. I was already partially to blame for my desert excursions. Growing up, there were a lot of childhood issues that sent me reeling in the wrong direction. These childhood issues and unrefined personality challenges kept me directionless for much of my life. The issues were obvious to those around me, but as they say, “I couldn’t see the forest for the trees” or maybe more appropriately, “I couldn’t see the desert for the sand”. Secondly, although I had been raised in a Christian home, many “good directions” in the Bible just hadn’t sunk in. I unconsciously excluded verses I had read in scripture as things that didn’t really apply to “today’s world” or “just weren’t possible”. By doing this, it sent me wandering on my own path trying to find the Promised Land. Then along the way, bad things happened and I allowed these “bandits” to divert me from the path I needed to take. So I wandered, a little because I had bad directions, a little because I was not listening to good directions I had been given and a little because I allowed bandits to deflect me from the path. In other words, God might have made the desert, but just like the children of Israel, I chosen to go and then stay there.
I wonder why I was so discouraged when my desert time came and believe me it did come. I was often so much like the children of Israel during my desert wanderings. God performed miracle after miracle in my life and then when the next hard time came, I quickly forget the mana and water of yesterday. I complained that I was eating the same food over and over. I questioned God’s love for me. I bitterly ranted about how God had left me in the wilderness too long. I yelled about how long I was expected to live like this and wondered if God had forgotten me. Sometimes, I would wallow in the pit where God found me, unable to move away from its edge for fear of the unknown desert ahead. I wondered whether it would have been better if God had just left me in my pit to die.
Then God in his mercy and grace provided for me again and I was content for a brief while. Just as quickly, I realized that even though He did perform a miracle, I was still in the “desert” of all places. I wondered when it would finally be over and God would allow me into the land He promised me. Where was this peace that passes understanding, joy of the Lord, easy-yoked, abundant life He spoke of in the Bible? I certainly wasn’t living that kind of Christian life. I can say all this with confidence because I lived in the desert for most of my adult life. Even though I knew God loved me, I treated the God of the desert like an impotent, careless, mean god and just like the Israelites I only truly worshiped and believed Him when I saw huge demonstrations of His power. Until, one day, like the Israelites, God grew tired of performing “dog and pony” shows for me and just let me stay in the desert a while. When I finally gave up complete control of my life and died to myself, God finally led me to the Promised Land. So when I say that the God of the Promised Land is no less god than the God of the desert places, I can do so with a little bit of experience under my belt. I had been a permanent desert resident and I have the deliverance to prove it.
My experiences with God’s offensive use of the rod during my desert experience proved to me that His rod is comforting and that I appreciate God’s correction. Any expert in child rearing will tell you that a disciplined child is a loved and happy child. Not only have I seen this in the lives of my own children as I have disciplined them, but I have seen it in my own life as God disciplined me. My desert experiences were excruciatingly painful and I would not wish them on anyone. Without the rod of God during my desert wanderings, I would still be a miserable, complaining, unfaithful, fickle, useless child in desperate need of discipline. I look on my own time in the desert and thank God for loving me enough to keep me there until I learned to hear what He was trying to teach me. It was His rod and His presence in the desert times that drew me closer to Him and proved that I was His child, a child that He would not, under any circumstances, allow to wander alone into dangerous territory, but would also not allow to leave until I had learned to stay close to Him.
Now that I have known the God of the desert, He is more real and powerful to me than ever. After experiencing the God of the desert, I truly appreciate the God of the valley. I love his daily manna, the still waters, green pastures, feasts and the delights He has for me in His presence and in His house. He led me out of the desert by his mighty right hand, restored my soul because he pulled me from the crevice, the miry clay and set me on the rock of His salvation. His yoke is so much easier, his burden so much lighter, the life He gives is abundant, He is joy and His peace is beyond my understanding.
If you are going through a desert time or even revisiting a desert place you thought long gone, might I suggest that you learn to stay close to God. Draw near to Him and follow Him wherever He leads. Only He can lead you out of the desert to the green pastures and still waters. While you are in the desert you can still rejoice in the Lord. Praise Him that He loves you enough to chastise you. Rejoice when you find yourself broken because God is working in your life, that He has a plan to prosper you and that He who began a good work will be faithful to complete it. He will not leave you in the desert unless you chose to stay there. Find comfort in the staff that rescues and learn from the rod that corrects. Take in all that God has for you to learn there. Learn it well so that you won’t need a longer stay, a return visit or forbidden to enter the lush, abundant, joyful life in the land He has promised just for you, His precious chosen one.
Knowing God’s rescuing staff is ready to scoop me from the dark crevices of the rocks I fall into, making sure I am counted in the fold every night or to helping me when I straggle is definitely comforting to me. It is easy to see how the staff would have been a comfort to David too, but perhaps he also learned to appreciate the rod of God during those desert times of his life. David could have left the rod out of his description of comfort. We could argue that the defensive aspects of the rod are comforting and that the rod was meant to protect us not harm us. However, the offensive use of the rod is almost disconcerting. Would God really cripple us to draw us closer to Him? Isn’t that forcing Himself on us and overriding our free will?
I can say from experience that my time in the desert in no way over rode my free will. I had been skirting around the desert for years, wandering in and out of desert territory. I was already partially to blame for my desert excursions. Growing up, there were a lot of childhood issues that sent me reeling in the wrong direction. These childhood issues and unrefined personality challenges kept me directionless for much of my life. The issues were obvious to those around me, but as they say, “I couldn’t see the forest for the trees” or maybe more appropriately, “I couldn’t see the desert for the sand”. Secondly, although I had been raised in a Christian home, many “good directions” in the Bible just hadn’t sunk in. I unconsciously excluded verses I had read in scripture as things that didn’t really apply to “today’s world” or “just weren’t possible”. By doing this, it sent me wandering on my own path trying to find the Promised Land. Then along the way, bad things happened and I allowed these “bandits” to divert me from the path I needed to take. So I wandered, a little because I had bad directions, a little because I was not listening to good directions I had been given and a little because I allowed bandits to deflect me from the path. In other words, God might have made the desert, but just like the children of Israel, I chosen to go and then stay there.
I wonder why I was so discouraged when my desert time came and believe me it did come. I was often so much like the children of Israel during my desert wanderings. God performed miracle after miracle in my life and then when the next hard time came, I quickly forget the mana and water of yesterday. I complained that I was eating the same food over and over. I questioned God’s love for me. I bitterly ranted about how God had left me in the wilderness too long. I yelled about how long I was expected to live like this and wondered if God had forgotten me. Sometimes, I would wallow in the pit where God found me, unable to move away from its edge for fear of the unknown desert ahead. I wondered whether it would have been better if God had just left me in my pit to die.
Then God in his mercy and grace provided for me again and I was content for a brief while. Just as quickly, I realized that even though He did perform a miracle, I was still in the “desert” of all places. I wondered when it would finally be over and God would allow me into the land He promised me. Where was this peace that passes understanding, joy of the Lord, easy-yoked, abundant life He spoke of in the Bible? I certainly wasn’t living that kind of Christian life. I can say all this with confidence because I lived in the desert for most of my adult life. Even though I knew God loved me, I treated the God of the desert like an impotent, careless, mean god and just like the Israelites I only truly worshiped and believed Him when I saw huge demonstrations of His power. Until, one day, like the Israelites, God grew tired of performing “dog and pony” shows for me and just let me stay in the desert a while. When I finally gave up complete control of my life and died to myself, God finally led me to the Promised Land. So when I say that the God of the Promised Land is no less god than the God of the desert places, I can do so with a little bit of experience under my belt. I had been a permanent desert resident and I have the deliverance to prove it.
My experiences with God’s offensive use of the rod during my desert experience proved to me that His rod is comforting and that I appreciate God’s correction. Any expert in child rearing will tell you that a disciplined child is a loved and happy child. Not only have I seen this in the lives of my own children as I have disciplined them, but I have seen it in my own life as God disciplined me. My desert experiences were excruciatingly painful and I would not wish them on anyone. Without the rod of God during my desert wanderings, I would still be a miserable, complaining, unfaithful, fickle, useless child in desperate need of discipline. I look on my own time in the desert and thank God for loving me enough to keep me there until I learned to hear what He was trying to teach me. It was His rod and His presence in the desert times that drew me closer to Him and proved that I was His child, a child that He would not, under any circumstances, allow to wander alone into dangerous territory, but would also not allow to leave until I had learned to stay close to Him.
Now that I have known the God of the desert, He is more real and powerful to me than ever. After experiencing the God of the desert, I truly appreciate the God of the valley. I love his daily manna, the still waters, green pastures, feasts and the delights He has for me in His presence and in His house. He led me out of the desert by his mighty right hand, restored my soul because he pulled me from the crevice, the miry clay and set me on the rock of His salvation. His yoke is so much easier, his burden so much lighter, the life He gives is abundant, He is joy and His peace is beyond my understanding.
If you are going through a desert time or even revisiting a desert place you thought long gone, might I suggest that you learn to stay close to God. Draw near to Him and follow Him wherever He leads. Only He can lead you out of the desert to the green pastures and still waters. While you are in the desert you can still rejoice in the Lord. Praise Him that He loves you enough to chastise you. Rejoice when you find yourself broken because God is working in your life, that He has a plan to prosper you and that He who began a good work will be faithful to complete it. He will not leave you in the desert unless you chose to stay there. Find comfort in the staff that rescues and learn from the rod that corrects. Take in all that God has for you to learn there. Learn it well so that you won’t need a longer stay, a return visit or forbidden to enter the lush, abundant, joyful life in the land He has promised just for you, His precious chosen one.
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