Philippians 4:8-9 “ Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things. The things you have learned and received and heard and seen in me, practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you.”
My 3 year old daughter came home from grandma’s house a month ago with a new habit of using TV and movie phrases in our conversations. She was asking me something and when I said I didn’t understand she said, “Whatever mommy, whatever.” I was shocked, but quickly realized she must have copied something she picked up from a show at grandma’s house (I quickly made sure grandma wasn’t showing them programs I didn’t approve). Then yesterday, I asked her to get herself strapped into her car seat. Granted, we had been running errands all day and she knows the routine, but she stands around or plays instead of getting ready to go. Out breaks a, “Yes, your Majesty” from my dear sweet little girl! Then yesterday, I got a “Yes, m’lady” which was considerably nicer.
To top it all off, she recently broke down in tears, crying incessantly about being scared that the world was going to crack. I thought I was being careful about what my kids were watching, but since my son is older I realized I must not have been as vigilant as I thought. I must be much more careful I must be about what I let her watch.
I wonder how often I do this in my Christian walk? Have I somehow slipped in some areas that I am not guarding my heart and mind? Are there things that I watch or listen to that I have no business watching or listening? There was a time when I was praying fervently for God’s presence in my life and I kept hearing ever so softly, “Turn off the TV.” I didn’t like that answer and prayed again thinking I must have heard wrong. God only said once again, “I told you to turn off the TV.” For a month or so, I fasted from TV and movies. I really did begin to feel God’s presence as I broke my TV addiction. Since then, I was released from that fast, but I often wonder whether these things can creep back on you and before you know it, it you are modeling and repeating behaviors you never had before.
I think this can happen even in the Christian realm. My dad likes to brag that his “girls” went to church every Sunday before we were born. Even after we were born, we almost never missed a Sunday, ever. When we went on vacation, either we found a local church or the girls put on church for the adults. How much of what I do and say in my Christian walk is something I have heard so often that it holds no meaning for me and do I really understand what I am saying. When I say, “Thank the Lord” am I really thanking Him or am I just using his name in vain? When I pray in Christianese, do I mean it or it so I can look good in front of others?
I haven’t been feeling far from God lately, but you better be sure that if I do the first thing to go will be TV and movies. Of course, the irony will be that God will ask me to do just that after I post this. Stay tuned for more developments, but in the meantime consider whether you are filling your mind with junk or the thoughts of God.
Thursday, October 16, 2008
Tuesday, October 7, 2008
JEF CH 1.1 The Rubble
We all have emotional rubble in our life. The rubble could be from our past, a foundation turned upside down in childhood, a life dismantled by our own actions, a person who smashed our lives with their actions or things we chose to believe that have torn us down. There are too many reasons to list. What I do know is that we all have rubble.
Sometimes the rubble is so extensive we refuse to let anyone near it. There are precious things buried in the rocks and we don’t want anyone disturbing them again, so we leave it as is and refuse to let anyone help us. We can end up just living in the rubble.
Other times we build walls with our rubble. This prevents anyone from digging around, but walls also keep people out and it is lonely living behind them.
Other times we can try to put the rubble back together ourselves. We start to build, but we aren’t architects. We can only guess which piece goes where. We may spend enough time working on ourselves that we might resemble something half-way functional, but all it takes is one storm to bring it all crashing down. Building on top of rubble only builds an unstable house.
In our life, Christ asks us to give him our broken pieces so that he can make something new. If we refuse, our lives are spent falling over and around one piece of broken rubble after another. We may be forgiven and saved, but we aren’t living abundantly.
God desires to sort through your rubble and turn it into something that brings Him glory. Some rubble He clears away, some He replaces but most often He uses the rubble in His master plan. In His design, He first builds a foundation and then begins to pick up our pieces and use them to rebuild us. The old is never gone. It is recreated into something new that is built on his love and held together by his truths.
Sometimes the rubble is so extensive we refuse to let anyone near it. There are precious things buried in the rocks and we don’t want anyone disturbing them again, so we leave it as is and refuse to let anyone help us. We can end up just living in the rubble.
Other times we build walls with our rubble. This prevents anyone from digging around, but walls also keep people out and it is lonely living behind them.
Other times we can try to put the rubble back together ourselves. We start to build, but we aren’t architects. We can only guess which piece goes where. We may spend enough time working on ourselves that we might resemble something half-way functional, but all it takes is one storm to bring it all crashing down. Building on top of rubble only builds an unstable house.
In our life, Christ asks us to give him our broken pieces so that he can make something new. If we refuse, our lives are spent falling over and around one piece of broken rubble after another. We may be forgiven and saved, but we aren’t living abundantly.
God desires to sort through your rubble and turn it into something that brings Him glory. Some rubble He clears away, some He replaces but most often He uses the rubble in His master plan. In His design, He first builds a foundation and then begins to pick up our pieces and use them to rebuild us. The old is never gone. It is recreated into something new that is built on his love and held together by his truths.
Disclaimer:
Over the many weeks to come, I will be sharing extremely personal stories that illustrate my point. As with many emotional struggles, these stories mainly involve other people. The main characters in my story have been family members. The only reason I am able to share these stories is because God has healed me and has restored relationships where there once was pain and hurt. My family and I now have loving, healthy committed relationships focused on God rather than ourselves. We have been restored and although their actions may have deeply wounded me in the past, I no longer feel any pain regarding them. We are not the same people that we used to be. We have discussed and hashed out our hurts and reconciled. And where there were differences of opinion or in the case of my mom I was not given the chance to reconcile, God has given me understanding to see what each person was going through. I understand their actions and can forgive even when there wasn’t resolution for these deep wounds.
In no way, do I intend to defame another and make them look bad for their behavior. I am sure I play a large role in the hurts of others who aren’t sharing their story with you. One day you may hear them or hear my children tell you the hurts I caused them. I take full responsibility for those things that are mine. With God’s help, I pray the hurt I have caused has been changed into something good. The purpose of this sharing is to explain how God helped me understand the things that happened to me and put them into His perfect perspective. These stories are about what God did to change ME! The hurts happened and nothing can change that, but God is so much bigger than my experiences and He worked in me to change and grow. So the stories I share are to explain how I changed, not how God changed them. Their part is really the catalyst that helped me learn more about who God is and helped me become whole. In fact, I now see the benefit of that pain because it has transformed me and drawn me closer to God. I am where I am and how I am because of these “negative” experiences. You see, within God’s perfect perspective, I can agree with Joseph who told his brothers in Genesis 50:20, “But as for you, you meant evil against me; but God meant it for good, in order to bring it about as it is this day, to save many people alive.”
There are also people in my life who are not different and because of this I cannot share their part in my life with you. What I can do is choose to love them where they are and pray that God will work to change their hurts into something good. I want to encourage you to see each story I share impartially and without judgment on anyone else. Instead follow the advice of Jesus in Luke 6:37 when he said, "Judge not, and you shall not be judged. Condemn not, and you shall not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven.” We are able to forgive because we have received forgiveness in God’s perfect perspective.
Now for your part, the million dollar question: Do you want to be healed? Do you want to feel better? “Of course, I want to be healed,” you may say. I only ask because sometimes we aren’t ready for what God has to say. We aren’t ready for the sacrifices that God requires for healing. Sometimes our hurts become our life and we are too scared to give them up. We rely on our emotional struggles because they are all we have and they keep us safe. Yes, you heard me right. Whatever emotional struggle you have, currently serves a function, albeit a dysfunctional function. It is not, however, the abundant life God intended for you to live. If you still answer yes to that question, read on. But be warned, you probably won’t like what I have to say.
The information that God gave me to share is not for your spouse, mother, father, sister, brother, aunts, uncles, friends, colleagues, roommates, co-workers, neighbors or children. It is for you and you alone. You cannot change someone else. Let me say it again more strongly, “You cannot change ANYONE else.” Here is the good news. Only God can help someone else. God has the desire, the purpose and the plan for that person in your life. There is only one thing you can do to help someone else change. You can facilitate change in someone if you are focused on Christ, loving Him completely, and abiding in Him. Through that relationship you can shine a beacon on someone else’s life or become burning coals on their head. How is your love quotient right now? Are you loving people or are they all creeps and jerks?
With the help of God, you can only change you. Your relationship with God is paramount to Him. God has blinders on when it comes to your life. It isn’t that He doesn’t care about others, but in your relationship with God, you are all He sees. In a sense, God asks you not to care what other people are doing wrong in your life. He asks you what you are doing wrong, where you have failed, or what you need to learn from this experience. He is also asking you to trust him even with this.
Isn’t that what Jesus asked us to do when He said to pull the log out of our own eye before we try to find the speck in another’s eye. You must view your journey with the same blinders that God has for you. Focus your eyes exclusively on Him and ask Him what it is He has for you to learn. If you in anyway, shift your focus off God and onto your sinking ship, whatever that may be, you will miss what God has for you. Like Peter, you may start out strong walking across the water, but once your focus waivers, you will begin to sink.
This seems like an impossible task and you are right. It is impossible. You should just give up: give up your agenda, give up your rights, give up your hurts, give up control of the situation, and give up your expectations. You must admit defeat. Call it quits and give it to God. I don’t write anything that I haven’t thought before, believed before or done before. Like Paul says, I am the chief sinner here. I don’t ask this lightly or without regard to the sacrifice it will require of you. I know from personal experience that what I ask, what God asks, isn’t fair. You may have sacrificed, given over and above or been the bigger person and yet God asks you to give even more. I hate being the bigger person more than anyone. It makes me feel like I am taking all the hits, that I am being taken advantage of and that the other person is getting off easy. Whatever happened to you in the past and whatever you are feeling right now can seem insurmountable. It isn’t right the hurt and injustices that have happened to you. It isn’t fair. It is horrible, awful and no good at all.
No one should ever be asked to sacrifice themselves this way and yet someone did that for you, for me, without us asking, because that is what we needed. God isn’t like Alice in Wonderland who gives very good advice, but seldom ever follows it. As God told my older sister, “I always follow my own advice.” He never requires anything of us that He hasn’t already done himself. He asks no less than what he did for you and for me. Where Jesus died a physical death, he asks us to “give up our life for our brothers” and to become “living sacrifices to God.” He asks us to die, so that we might live!
It is not easy, but then nothing ever worthwhile ever is easy. Anything worth living for must also be worth dying for. Die to yourselves, become a living sacrifice, and pick up our daily cross. In return, Jesus promises that his yoke, his burden is easy. It sounds so contradictory, but how I wished I had listened sooner. I can testify that God’s burden is lighter and his yolk is easier than anything I carried before.
I may have just stirred up a million “buts” that you have running across your mind, but let me stop to answer your questions now. “Yes, you can go on.” “Not, it won’t last forever.” “No, it isn’t right what they have done.” “Yes, the pain in your life downright stinks and ‘No’ God doesn’t agree with it or wish it happened to you.” In fact, ‘Yes’ you can be angry and hurt because God is angry and hurt for His children, but ‘No” it isn’t ok to stay where you are.” “Yes, God does care.” “Yes, God is with you even when you don’t ‘feel’ Him.” “No, You are not alone, but ‘Yes” God will use the pain in your life to draw you closer to Him and draw those things from you that are hindering you.” And ‘Yes’, God can make all things new and He who began a good work will be faithful to complete it.”
“But what about me,” you may ask? “What about you?” God replies. “Aren’t I enough for you? Why are you turning to anyone else in this world to define who you are, to heal you, to love you unconditionally, to save you, to meet your every need, to give you what you desire? What about you? Don’t you think I care more about you than that? You are my child, my precious darling, my boy. I know what you need and what you need is me. More of me. Breathe me in. Live me. Stay here. Talk to me. Tell me how much it hurts. Tell me what you are feeling.” Contrary to how you may feel, God is not a petty, vengeful God who is out to get you. He doesn’t desire that you feel pain, but, and here are the key words, ‘when necessary’, He will allow pain in order draw something from you that is keeping you from the life He offers.
So I ask again: Do you want to be healed? Are you tired of all this mess? Are you ready for a change? Are you ready to utterly abandon everything you ever desired? Are you ready to give it all up? When you are, God is waiting to transform your hurts into something good. He is ready to trade your sorrow for dancing. And if you still have “buts” then I say, ‘Read no further.’ But if you are ready, really ready and willing to trade it all in, then you are ready to understand that you have a God-sized problem that requires a God-sized answer. Are you ready for Him?
In no way, do I intend to defame another and make them look bad for their behavior. I am sure I play a large role in the hurts of others who aren’t sharing their story with you. One day you may hear them or hear my children tell you the hurts I caused them. I take full responsibility for those things that are mine. With God’s help, I pray the hurt I have caused has been changed into something good. The purpose of this sharing is to explain how God helped me understand the things that happened to me and put them into His perfect perspective. These stories are about what God did to change ME! The hurts happened and nothing can change that, but God is so much bigger than my experiences and He worked in me to change and grow. So the stories I share are to explain how I changed, not how God changed them. Their part is really the catalyst that helped me learn more about who God is and helped me become whole. In fact, I now see the benefit of that pain because it has transformed me and drawn me closer to God. I am where I am and how I am because of these “negative” experiences. You see, within God’s perfect perspective, I can agree with Joseph who told his brothers in Genesis 50:20, “But as for you, you meant evil against me; but God meant it for good, in order to bring it about as it is this day, to save many people alive.”
There are also people in my life who are not different and because of this I cannot share their part in my life with you. What I can do is choose to love them where they are and pray that God will work to change their hurts into something good. I want to encourage you to see each story I share impartially and without judgment on anyone else. Instead follow the advice of Jesus in Luke 6:37 when he said, "Judge not, and you shall not be judged. Condemn not, and you shall not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven.” We are able to forgive because we have received forgiveness in God’s perfect perspective.
Now for your part, the million dollar question: Do you want to be healed? Do you want to feel better? “Of course, I want to be healed,” you may say. I only ask because sometimes we aren’t ready for what God has to say. We aren’t ready for the sacrifices that God requires for healing. Sometimes our hurts become our life and we are too scared to give them up. We rely on our emotional struggles because they are all we have and they keep us safe. Yes, you heard me right. Whatever emotional struggle you have, currently serves a function, albeit a dysfunctional function. It is not, however, the abundant life God intended for you to live. If you still answer yes to that question, read on. But be warned, you probably won’t like what I have to say.
The information that God gave me to share is not for your spouse, mother, father, sister, brother, aunts, uncles, friends, colleagues, roommates, co-workers, neighbors or children. It is for you and you alone. You cannot change someone else. Let me say it again more strongly, “You cannot change ANYONE else.” Here is the good news. Only God can help someone else. God has the desire, the purpose and the plan for that person in your life. There is only one thing you can do to help someone else change. You can facilitate change in someone if you are focused on Christ, loving Him completely, and abiding in Him. Through that relationship you can shine a beacon on someone else’s life or become burning coals on their head. How is your love quotient right now? Are you loving people or are they all creeps and jerks?
With the help of God, you can only change you. Your relationship with God is paramount to Him. God has blinders on when it comes to your life. It isn’t that He doesn’t care about others, but in your relationship with God, you are all He sees. In a sense, God asks you not to care what other people are doing wrong in your life. He asks you what you are doing wrong, where you have failed, or what you need to learn from this experience. He is also asking you to trust him even with this.
Isn’t that what Jesus asked us to do when He said to pull the log out of our own eye before we try to find the speck in another’s eye. You must view your journey with the same blinders that God has for you. Focus your eyes exclusively on Him and ask Him what it is He has for you to learn. If you in anyway, shift your focus off God and onto your sinking ship, whatever that may be, you will miss what God has for you. Like Peter, you may start out strong walking across the water, but once your focus waivers, you will begin to sink.
This seems like an impossible task and you are right. It is impossible. You should just give up: give up your agenda, give up your rights, give up your hurts, give up control of the situation, and give up your expectations. You must admit defeat. Call it quits and give it to God. I don’t write anything that I haven’t thought before, believed before or done before. Like Paul says, I am the chief sinner here. I don’t ask this lightly or without regard to the sacrifice it will require of you. I know from personal experience that what I ask, what God asks, isn’t fair. You may have sacrificed, given over and above or been the bigger person and yet God asks you to give even more. I hate being the bigger person more than anyone. It makes me feel like I am taking all the hits, that I am being taken advantage of and that the other person is getting off easy. Whatever happened to you in the past and whatever you are feeling right now can seem insurmountable. It isn’t right the hurt and injustices that have happened to you. It isn’t fair. It is horrible, awful and no good at all.
No one should ever be asked to sacrifice themselves this way and yet someone did that for you, for me, without us asking, because that is what we needed. God isn’t like Alice in Wonderland who gives very good advice, but seldom ever follows it. As God told my older sister, “I always follow my own advice.” He never requires anything of us that He hasn’t already done himself. He asks no less than what he did for you and for me. Where Jesus died a physical death, he asks us to “give up our life for our brothers” and to become “living sacrifices to God.” He asks us to die, so that we might live!
It is not easy, but then nothing ever worthwhile ever is easy. Anything worth living for must also be worth dying for. Die to yourselves, become a living sacrifice, and pick up our daily cross. In return, Jesus promises that his yoke, his burden is easy. It sounds so contradictory, but how I wished I had listened sooner. I can testify that God’s burden is lighter and his yolk is easier than anything I carried before.
I may have just stirred up a million “buts” that you have running across your mind, but let me stop to answer your questions now. “Yes, you can go on.” “Not, it won’t last forever.” “No, it isn’t right what they have done.” “Yes, the pain in your life downright stinks and ‘No’ God doesn’t agree with it or wish it happened to you.” In fact, ‘Yes’ you can be angry and hurt because God is angry and hurt for His children, but ‘No” it isn’t ok to stay where you are.” “Yes, God does care.” “Yes, God is with you even when you don’t ‘feel’ Him.” “No, You are not alone, but ‘Yes” God will use the pain in your life to draw you closer to Him and draw those things from you that are hindering you.” And ‘Yes’, God can make all things new and He who began a good work will be faithful to complete it.”
“But what about me,” you may ask? “What about you?” God replies. “Aren’t I enough for you? Why are you turning to anyone else in this world to define who you are, to heal you, to love you unconditionally, to save you, to meet your every need, to give you what you desire? What about you? Don’t you think I care more about you than that? You are my child, my precious darling, my boy. I know what you need and what you need is me. More of me. Breathe me in. Live me. Stay here. Talk to me. Tell me how much it hurts. Tell me what you are feeling.” Contrary to how you may feel, God is not a petty, vengeful God who is out to get you. He doesn’t desire that you feel pain, but, and here are the key words, ‘when necessary’, He will allow pain in order draw something from you that is keeping you from the life He offers.
So I ask again: Do you want to be healed? Are you tired of all this mess? Are you ready for a change? Are you ready to utterly abandon everything you ever desired? Are you ready to give it all up? When you are, God is waiting to transform your hurts into something good. He is ready to trade your sorrow for dancing. And if you still have “buts” then I say, ‘Read no further.’ But if you are ready, really ready and willing to trade it all in, then you are ready to understand that you have a God-sized problem that requires a God-sized answer. Are you ready for Him?
Monday, October 6, 2008
Journey to Emotional Freedom - Chapter 1
A Place for Emotions and Emotions in their Place
Over the course of this blog, I am going to be discussing some tools God can use or paths He can lead us toward emotional freedom. As with everything, these tools are “ways” God leads us to healing. They aren’t necessarily “THE WAY” God heals us. Some people have been healed miraculously, some through counseling, some through understanding themselves, some through fighting spiritual warfare, and some through confronting false beliefs. The list is endless. These are tools that God has personally shown me, but behind all of these tools is the same God and Savior. Emotional struggles are extremely complex and there is no one, quick fix solution. God has led me to each of these tools on my journey to emotional freedom. As I continue the struggle, I have each of these tools to use to help me on a daily basis. They have been vital as I continue to battle sin, personality flaws, past hurts, and pain. They help me to focus in on God’s truths and put my emotions in His perfect perspective.
For some of us, our emotions are an unfortunate part of life. They hinder us, bog us down and make life difficult. For some of us, our emotions are close to the surface and are tumultuous and unpredictable. Where they fly, we fly too. If we could, we would gladly become Data (the android from Star Trek: The Next Generation) who could mercifully switch his emotions on and off with the flick of a thought. The opposite problem exists for others of us who struggle to feel anything at all. You have emotions but your feelings run so deep you hardly understand them. You may be more like Tristan from the movie, “A River Runs Through It” who is deeply loved and yet manages to alienate and destroy a whole family with his inability to connect.
These two emotional extremes are hard for not only the person who struggles with them, but also for those who are close to them. On one hand, the extremely expressive may emotionally vomit on those around them and our loved ones may feel they need to protect themselves from our extremes. On the other hand, our loved ones may never know where they stand and deeply desire an emotional connection with those out of touch with their feelings. When emotions do surface, they are often explosive and not proportionate to the "crime." In between these two extremes run a gamut of other places we can be stuck emotionally. I have been at these two extremes and in every place in between. I would call myself a recovering emotional car wreck and can empathize with so many emotional struggles.
Emotions play a vital role in our relationships to one another and our relationship with God. If we are to be useful in the kingdom of God, I believe that our emotional life needs to be centered and in line with God’s perfect perspective. Sometimes we get so bogged down in the feelings we are or aren’t feeling that we don’t even know where to begin to deal with them. I learned in the journey God took me on that if our emotions are out of control, God cannot use us as greatly as He would like. If we are wounded, how can we help lead others to Him effectively? We need to be in control of our feelings so that He can guide us with his still small voice. If our emotions are louder than God or if we are cut off from our feelings or anything in between, we run the risk of “feeling” or “thinking” our way through our Christian walk instead of “abiding” as Jesus commands us to.
You have probably heard the saying, “God needs to be in the driver’s seat of our life.” I never liked that saying. It didn’t make sense to me. After all, we aren’t automatons or robots that God controls with puppet strings. We have free will and we can choose to listen to Him or not even after we have been saved. In David Stoop’s book, “You Are What You Think,” he had a much better example of how God helps us drive our car. Imagine yourself driving a special car that only you know how to drive. The car represents the totality of who you are: your body, soul and spirit. The road represents the life you are traveling down. Dr. Stoops says that we can respond in one of two ways when we are confused by our emotions. We can either become over controlling or overwhelmed.
“As we travel down the highway, we suddenly feel overwhelmed, so we decide to put the car on cruise control and jump in the backseat. Then we yell at God, our spouse, our children, our parents, or all of the above ‘You take over! I can’t drive anymore!’ As the car goes careening down the highway, hitting other cars, running over other people and bouncing off buildings, we sit there in a panic, saying ‘Somebody better get control of this thing!’ Perhaps God is sitting with us in the backseat, but all He can say is, ‘I can’t help you back here!’ And He explains, “I can’t do anything as long as you are sitting in the backseat. I can only help if you are in the driver’s seat- if you are in control.” I would add that in our panic, we are out of control. If God were to give us directions, we would be unable to act of them. Our fear, insecurities and overwhelmed emotions paralyze us. We in full-on “flight” mode.
Dr. Stoop goes on to state, “If we are over-controlling, we do just the opposite, we never leave the driver’s seat. But as we drive along, God….suggests we stop or slow down. But instead we panic and hit the gas pedal, swerving to avoid a collision.” When we are over-controlling we are often in “fight” mode. We argue with God and everyone else and we completely lose the ability to hear God. We can even purposefully drive over and into people with our control and anger.
The third reaction to our emotional confusion is “Freeze” mode. Stoop says, “…If we need to turn, we freeze and our arms become like cement. We can’t turn, so we end up hitting a brick wall. The only way to drive the car is to remain in control. That way if (God) suggests we slow down, we can slow down. If we need to make a turn, we make the turn. That’s self-control. That’s the way we are meant to live: exercising self-control in order to be in control.” We know that the Holy Spirit is the conduit through which we hear God, experience Christ and learn spiritual truths. So where is the Holy Spirit in this equation? For that we need another illustration.
My husband is terrible with directions. After 15 years struggling with wrong turns and missed exits, he admitted defeat and bought a GPS device. This handy little unit has solved many arguments between my husband and me. For the most part, I have been relieved of my position as navigator and can happily enjoy the ride without worrying about whether we will actually make it to our destination. My husband is able to plug the address into the GPS and it gives him turn by turn instructions. It even has a positive reinforcement tool to let him know that he has made the right decision. It will say to continue down this road or turn in so many feet and when has made the right decision, it happily chimes like an old-fashioned door bell, “ding dong.” It is now a running joke that when he forgets his GPS, I copy the unit’s tone of voice as I give him directions and even add the little bell chime when he has listened to me correctly. It may seem silly, but we have avoided a lot of arguments this way.
If we are in control of our emotions and they are in perfectly placed within God’s truth, we are free to listen to our “still small” GPS unit called the Holy Spirit. Just like the unit, we don’t get any more instructions than what we need right in front of us. If we listen to the Holy Spirit and obey the directions God is giving us, our emotions are the little chimes that ring. In Galatians 5:22-23, we are told that the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, generosity, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. These positive feelings are our chimes that let us know we are on the right track, but they only come after we begin to follow the instructions that God gives us, not before. If we placed our emotions at the improper place, we could be easily led astray. Emotions are the trailer hitched up to our car. These positive traits are the evidence of and reward for obedience. If you have ever backed up a car with a trailer hitched up to the back, you know how difficult it can be. Just like a wayward trailer, emotions are unpredictable and can easily lead us astray. It is best to keep moving forward with the directions that we have been given.
Our faith in God fuels our car. It is what keeps us following the Holy Spirit even when we don’t understand the directions or detours He gives us. Our faith is what trusts God’s character when bad things happen. When would we ever feel like loving our enemies, blessing those who persecute us or praying for those who spitefully use us? This is an impossible task and one that cannot be driven by our emotions. After all, in Luke 9:23 Jesus said that on a daily basis we must deny ourselves, pick up our cross, and follow Him. Sometimes during hard times, I found that it is even a moment by moment choice to continue my Christian walk by faith and not by what I feel or see around me.
The final piece is God’s truth which is the engine of our car. This isn’t something that will happen overnight, but as we come to believe more and more of God’s word our emotions also begin to come into a more perfect balance. As we traverse this emotional journey together, I will share with you how God led me to emotional freedom. I didn’t always “feel” close to God, but I have learned that continued obedience and seeking God eventually leads us to breakthroughs in emotional struggles. For me, this usually occurred when I finally understand the truth that He has been trying to speak to me and believed that truth. If you have found yourself stuck emotionally, I want to encourage you to ask God to reveal the truths you need for your emotional breakthrough. I promise that on the other side is real, lasting peace and abundant living that is worth digging around inside to find.
Over the course of this blog, I am going to be discussing some tools God can use or paths He can lead us toward emotional freedom. As with everything, these tools are “ways” God leads us to healing. They aren’t necessarily “THE WAY” God heals us. Some people have been healed miraculously, some through counseling, some through understanding themselves, some through fighting spiritual warfare, and some through confronting false beliefs. The list is endless. These are tools that God has personally shown me, but behind all of these tools is the same God and Savior. Emotional struggles are extremely complex and there is no one, quick fix solution. God has led me to each of these tools on my journey to emotional freedom. As I continue the struggle, I have each of these tools to use to help me on a daily basis. They have been vital as I continue to battle sin, personality flaws, past hurts, and pain. They help me to focus in on God’s truths and put my emotions in His perfect perspective.
For some of us, our emotions are an unfortunate part of life. They hinder us, bog us down and make life difficult. For some of us, our emotions are close to the surface and are tumultuous and unpredictable. Where they fly, we fly too. If we could, we would gladly become Data (the android from Star Trek: The Next Generation) who could mercifully switch his emotions on and off with the flick of a thought. The opposite problem exists for others of us who struggle to feel anything at all. You have emotions but your feelings run so deep you hardly understand them. You may be more like Tristan from the movie, “A River Runs Through It” who is deeply loved and yet manages to alienate and destroy a whole family with his inability to connect.
These two emotional extremes are hard for not only the person who struggles with them, but also for those who are close to them. On one hand, the extremely expressive may emotionally vomit on those around them and our loved ones may feel they need to protect themselves from our extremes. On the other hand, our loved ones may never know where they stand and deeply desire an emotional connection with those out of touch with their feelings. When emotions do surface, they are often explosive and not proportionate to the "crime." In between these two extremes run a gamut of other places we can be stuck emotionally. I have been at these two extremes and in every place in between. I would call myself a recovering emotional car wreck and can empathize with so many emotional struggles.
Emotions play a vital role in our relationships to one another and our relationship with God. If we are to be useful in the kingdom of God, I believe that our emotional life needs to be centered and in line with God’s perfect perspective. Sometimes we get so bogged down in the feelings we are or aren’t feeling that we don’t even know where to begin to deal with them. I learned in the journey God took me on that if our emotions are out of control, God cannot use us as greatly as He would like. If we are wounded, how can we help lead others to Him effectively? We need to be in control of our feelings so that He can guide us with his still small voice. If our emotions are louder than God or if we are cut off from our feelings or anything in between, we run the risk of “feeling” or “thinking” our way through our Christian walk instead of “abiding” as Jesus commands us to.
You have probably heard the saying, “God needs to be in the driver’s seat of our life.” I never liked that saying. It didn’t make sense to me. After all, we aren’t automatons or robots that God controls with puppet strings. We have free will and we can choose to listen to Him or not even after we have been saved. In David Stoop’s book, “You Are What You Think,” he had a much better example of how God helps us drive our car. Imagine yourself driving a special car that only you know how to drive. The car represents the totality of who you are: your body, soul and spirit. The road represents the life you are traveling down. Dr. Stoops says that we can respond in one of two ways when we are confused by our emotions. We can either become over controlling or overwhelmed.
“As we travel down the highway, we suddenly feel overwhelmed, so we decide to put the car on cruise control and jump in the backseat. Then we yell at God, our spouse, our children, our parents, or all of the above ‘You take over! I can’t drive anymore!’ As the car goes careening down the highway, hitting other cars, running over other people and bouncing off buildings, we sit there in a panic, saying ‘Somebody better get control of this thing!’ Perhaps God is sitting with us in the backseat, but all He can say is, ‘I can’t help you back here!’ And He explains, “I can’t do anything as long as you are sitting in the backseat. I can only help if you are in the driver’s seat- if you are in control.” I would add that in our panic, we are out of control. If God were to give us directions, we would be unable to act of them. Our fear, insecurities and overwhelmed emotions paralyze us. We in full-on “flight” mode.
Dr. Stoop goes on to state, “If we are over-controlling, we do just the opposite, we never leave the driver’s seat. But as we drive along, God….suggests we stop or slow down. But instead we panic and hit the gas pedal, swerving to avoid a collision.” When we are over-controlling we are often in “fight” mode. We argue with God and everyone else and we completely lose the ability to hear God. We can even purposefully drive over and into people with our control and anger.
The third reaction to our emotional confusion is “Freeze” mode. Stoop says, “…If we need to turn, we freeze and our arms become like cement. We can’t turn, so we end up hitting a brick wall. The only way to drive the car is to remain in control. That way if (God) suggests we slow down, we can slow down. If we need to make a turn, we make the turn. That’s self-control. That’s the way we are meant to live: exercising self-control in order to be in control.” We know that the Holy Spirit is the conduit through which we hear God, experience Christ and learn spiritual truths. So where is the Holy Spirit in this equation? For that we need another illustration.
My husband is terrible with directions. After 15 years struggling with wrong turns and missed exits, he admitted defeat and bought a GPS device. This handy little unit has solved many arguments between my husband and me. For the most part, I have been relieved of my position as navigator and can happily enjoy the ride without worrying about whether we will actually make it to our destination. My husband is able to plug the address into the GPS and it gives him turn by turn instructions. It even has a positive reinforcement tool to let him know that he has made the right decision. It will say to continue down this road or turn in so many feet and when has made the right decision, it happily chimes like an old-fashioned door bell, “ding dong.” It is now a running joke that when he forgets his GPS, I copy the unit’s tone of voice as I give him directions and even add the little bell chime when he has listened to me correctly. It may seem silly, but we have avoided a lot of arguments this way.
If we are in control of our emotions and they are in perfectly placed within God’s truth, we are free to listen to our “still small” GPS unit called the Holy Spirit. Just like the unit, we don’t get any more instructions than what we need right in front of us. If we listen to the Holy Spirit and obey the directions God is giving us, our emotions are the little chimes that ring. In Galatians 5:22-23, we are told that the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, generosity, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. These positive feelings are our chimes that let us know we are on the right track, but they only come after we begin to follow the instructions that God gives us, not before. If we placed our emotions at the improper place, we could be easily led astray. Emotions are the trailer hitched up to our car. These positive traits are the evidence of and reward for obedience. If you have ever backed up a car with a trailer hitched up to the back, you know how difficult it can be. Just like a wayward trailer, emotions are unpredictable and can easily lead us astray. It is best to keep moving forward with the directions that we have been given.
Our faith in God fuels our car. It is what keeps us following the Holy Spirit even when we don’t understand the directions or detours He gives us. Our faith is what trusts God’s character when bad things happen. When would we ever feel like loving our enemies, blessing those who persecute us or praying for those who spitefully use us? This is an impossible task and one that cannot be driven by our emotions. After all, in Luke 9:23 Jesus said that on a daily basis we must deny ourselves, pick up our cross, and follow Him. Sometimes during hard times, I found that it is even a moment by moment choice to continue my Christian walk by faith and not by what I feel or see around me.
The final piece is God’s truth which is the engine of our car. This isn’t something that will happen overnight, but as we come to believe more and more of God’s word our emotions also begin to come into a more perfect balance. As we traverse this emotional journey together, I will share with you how God led me to emotional freedom. I didn’t always “feel” close to God, but I have learned that continued obedience and seeking God eventually leads us to breakthroughs in emotional struggles. For me, this usually occurred when I finally understand the truth that He has been trying to speak to me and believed that truth. If you have found yourself stuck emotionally, I want to encourage you to ask God to reveal the truths you need for your emotional breakthrough. I promise that on the other side is real, lasting peace and abundant living that is worth digging around inside to find.
A fly in the ointment…
I love my house! God has over-abundantly blessed my family with our dream home. I couldn’t ask for anything more and am supremely happy to come home to our house even after vacationing in a nice resort. We are so happy with our home.
There is one guest that has graced our home over the last four years that can stop me dead in my tracks. At first, she seemed to be a minor nuisance and we hoped that within a few days, our visitor would be a dried up relic to be sucked up from the window sill on an occasional basis. Much to my dismay, I now hate, absolutely loathe, detest, and abhor our little guest because somehow she always finds her way into our sealed trashcan to lay her eggs. Much to my horror, I wake up to find her wriggling, white babies with their tiny black heads inching their way into every crevice and hole in my beautiful home. You guessed it…maggots!!!
Oh, how I detest maggots! Not only for the unclean feel that they bring to my house, but because they are so difficult to get rid of. Short of tearing my house apart and moving every couch, table, chair and toy we own, no matter how long I vacuum or scour the house looking for them, I am never able to find them all. Then within a week, my house is covered with flies. They hover over food, pester us at dinner and while watching TV. At night they buzz, buzz, BUZZ EVERYWHERE! I HATE THEM!
This little house guest has graced our home once or twice a year and I have become an expert at killing flies. I have killed three at a time, killed them in midair and have impressed my kids with the accuracy and vehemence with which I attack them. Including screens on every window and door, including the garage (which is coming soon), I have considered double screens to keep the flies out. We have fly traps outside that smell like an animal has died in our trees. I have even tried fly traps in the house (those only make a sticky mess so don’t try it). The only way to keep this from happening is to dump the trashes more often than usual, keep food out of the trash and kill any fly immediately upon entry to my home.
My family has joined me in my quest to keep the flies out. If you have ever been at my house, you may have wondered why I almost screech when a screen door is left open for more than the second it takes to get outside and close it. If you have even woken up to maggots more than once, you would be as completely insane about keeping flies out as I am. Did I tell you how much I HATE flies? I was reading a passage the other day and it reminded me of my fly problem.
I Corinthians 5:6 say, “Your boasting is not good. Do you not know that a little leaven leavens the whole lump of dough?” This passage is referring to a “Christian” who knew better and yet was committing a terrible evil of incest with his mother. The Corinthian church was bragging that they were superior in knowledge of God while evil was going on right under their own noses. Paul rebukes them saying that a little evil could corrupt the whole church.
I wonder why I don’t have the same attitude toward sin that I do flies. Romans 12:9 says, “Let love be genuine; hate what is evil, hold fast to what is good.” There is no doubt that sin is evil in God’s eyes and it is the one thing we are given permission to hate without question, yet I often disregard “little” sins as innocuous nuisances in my life that can be dealt with later. Pretty soon, my beautiful spirit is crawling with the maggots caused by one “small sin.” God wants me to become a hater of evil in my life. As much as it is fun to watch, my family should be more impressed with the tenacity and vehemence with which I attack sin in my life. They should be inspired by the extreme measures I take to get rid of little evils and wonder why I am so vigilant in my quest to pursue a “sin-free” rather than a “fly- free” life.
There is one guest that has graced our home over the last four years that can stop me dead in my tracks. At first, she seemed to be a minor nuisance and we hoped that within a few days, our visitor would be a dried up relic to be sucked up from the window sill on an occasional basis. Much to my dismay, I now hate, absolutely loathe, detest, and abhor our little guest because somehow she always finds her way into our sealed trashcan to lay her eggs. Much to my horror, I wake up to find her wriggling, white babies with their tiny black heads inching their way into every crevice and hole in my beautiful home. You guessed it…maggots!!!
Oh, how I detest maggots! Not only for the unclean feel that they bring to my house, but because they are so difficult to get rid of. Short of tearing my house apart and moving every couch, table, chair and toy we own, no matter how long I vacuum or scour the house looking for them, I am never able to find them all. Then within a week, my house is covered with flies. They hover over food, pester us at dinner and while watching TV. At night they buzz, buzz, BUZZ EVERYWHERE! I HATE THEM!
This little house guest has graced our home once or twice a year and I have become an expert at killing flies. I have killed three at a time, killed them in midair and have impressed my kids with the accuracy and vehemence with which I attack them. Including screens on every window and door, including the garage (which is coming soon), I have considered double screens to keep the flies out. We have fly traps outside that smell like an animal has died in our trees. I have even tried fly traps in the house (those only make a sticky mess so don’t try it). The only way to keep this from happening is to dump the trashes more often than usual, keep food out of the trash and kill any fly immediately upon entry to my home.
My family has joined me in my quest to keep the flies out. If you have ever been at my house, you may have wondered why I almost screech when a screen door is left open for more than the second it takes to get outside and close it. If you have even woken up to maggots more than once, you would be as completely insane about keeping flies out as I am. Did I tell you how much I HATE flies? I was reading a passage the other day and it reminded me of my fly problem.
I Corinthians 5:6 say, “Your boasting is not good. Do you not know that a little leaven leavens the whole lump of dough?” This passage is referring to a “Christian” who knew better and yet was committing a terrible evil of incest with his mother. The Corinthian church was bragging that they were superior in knowledge of God while evil was going on right under their own noses. Paul rebukes them saying that a little evil could corrupt the whole church.
I wonder why I don’t have the same attitude toward sin that I do flies. Romans 12:9 says, “Let love be genuine; hate what is evil, hold fast to what is good.” There is no doubt that sin is evil in God’s eyes and it is the one thing we are given permission to hate without question, yet I often disregard “little” sins as innocuous nuisances in my life that can be dealt with later. Pretty soon, my beautiful spirit is crawling with the maggots caused by one “small sin.” God wants me to become a hater of evil in my life. As much as it is fun to watch, my family should be more impressed with the tenacity and vehemence with which I attack sin in my life. They should be inspired by the extreme measures I take to get rid of little evils and wonder why I am so vigilant in my quest to pursue a “sin-free” rather than a “fly- free” life.
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