JEF Ch 2 Who's in the Driver's Seat?

Hi, my name is Farah and I am a recovered emotional car wreck.

You have probably heard the saying, “God needs to be in the driver’s seat of our life.” I never liked that saying. It didn’t make sense to me. After all, we aren’t robots or puppets that God controls with strings. Even after we have been saved, we still have free will and we must choose to listen to Him and obey. In David Stoop’s book, “You Are What You Think,” he had a much clearer car analogy. Imagine yourself driving a special car that only you know how to drive. The car represents the totality of who you are: your body, soul and spirit. The road represents the life you are traveling down. Dr. Stoops says that we can respond in one of two ways when we are confused by our emotions. We can either become over-controlling or over-whelmed.



“As we travel down the highway, we suddenly feel overwhelmed, so we decide to put the car on cruise control and jump in the backseat. Then we yell at God, our spouse, our children, our parents, or all of the above ‘You take over! I can’t drive anymore!’ As the car goes careening down the highway, hitting other cars, running over other people and bouncing off buildings, we sit there in a panic, saying ‘Somebody better get control of this thing!’ Perhaps God is sitting with us in the backseat, but all He can say is, ‘I can’t help you back here!’ And He explains, “I can’t do anything as long as you are sitting in the backseat. I can only help if you are in the driver’s seat- if you are in control.”



In our panic, we are out of control. If God were to give us directions, we would be unable to act of them. Our fear, insecurities and overwhelmed emotions paralyze us. We are in “flight” mode. Dr. Stoop goes on to state, “If we are over-controlling, we do just the opposite, we never leave the driver’s seat. But as we drive along, God….suggests we stop or slow down. But instead we panic and hit the gas pedal, swerving to avoid a collision.”



When we are over-controlling we are often in “fight” mode. We argue with God and everyone else and we completely lose the ability to hear God. We can even purposefully drive over and into people with our control and anger. The third reaction to our emotional confusion is “Freeze” mode. Stoop says, “…If we need to turn, we freeze and our arms become like cement. We can’t turn, so we end up hitting a brick wall. The only way to drive the car is to remain in control. That way if (God) suggests we slow down, we can slow down. If we need to make a turn, we make the turn. That’s self-control. That’s the way we are meant to live: exercising self-control in order to be in control.”



Self-control is one of fruit of the Spirit. We know that the Holy Spirit is the conduit through which we hear God, experience Christ and learn spiritual truths. So where is the Holy Spirit in this equation? For that we need another illustration.



My husband is terrible with directions. After 15 years struggling with wrong turns and missed exits, he admitted defeat and bought a GPS device. This handy little unit has solved many arguments between my husband and me. For the most part, I have been relieved of my position as navigator and can happily enjoy the ride without worrying about whether we will actually make it to our destination. My husband is able to plug the address into the GPS and it gives him turn by turn instructions. It even has a positive reinforcement tool to let him know that he has made the right decision. It will say to continue down this road or turn in so many feet and when has made the right choice, it happily chimes like an old-fashioned door bell, “ding dong.” It is now a running joke that when he forgets his GPS, I copy the unit’s tone of voice as I give him directions and even add the little bell chime when he has listened to me correctly. It may seem silly, but we have avoided a lot of arguments this way.



In the previous chapter, we talked about Elijah’s mountain top experience and the following days he was in hiding. After the angel ministered to Elijah for 40 days, God asked Elijah to go up another mountain. In 1 Kings 19:11-12 says, “Then he was told, "Go, stand on the mountain at attention before GOD. GOD will pass by." A hurricane wind ripped through the mountains and shattered the rocks before GOD, but GOD wasn't to be found in the wind; after the wind an earthquake, but GOD wasn't in the earthquake; and after the earthquake fire, but GOD wasn't in the fire; and after the fire a gentle and quiet whisper.” In a still, small voice God spoke to Elijah.



If we are in control of our emotions and they are in perfectly placed within God’s truth, we are free to listen to our “still small” GPS unit called the Holy Spirit. Just like the unit, we don’t get any more instructions than what we need right in front of us. If we listen to the Holy Spirit and obey the directions God is giving us, our emotions are the little chimes that ring. In Galatians 5:22-23, we are told that the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, generosity, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. These positive feelings and ways of existing are our chimes that let us know we are on the right track, but they only come after we begin to follow the instructions that God gives us, not before. If we placed our emotions at the improper place, we could be easily led astray. We need to be in control of our feelings so that He can guide us with his still small voice.



Emotions are the trailer hitched up to our car. These positive traits are the evidence of and reward for obedience. If you have ever tried to back up a car with a trailer, you know how difficult it can be. In order to get the trailer to turn the direction you would like it to go, you must steer in the opposite direction. It gets very confusing and is much easier to move forward than backward. Just like a wayward trailer, emotions are unpredictable and can easily lead us astray. It is best to keep moving forward with the directions that we have been given.



Our faith in God fuels our car. It is what keeps us following the Holy Spirit even when we don’t understand the directions or detours He gives us. Our faith is what trusts God’s character of love and mercy even when bad things happen. Our faith helps us step out in truth, even when we don’t feel like it. When would we ever feel like loving our enemies, blessing those who persecute us or praying for those who spitefully use us (Matt 5:44)? This is an impossible task and one that cannot be driven by our emotions. After all, in Luke 9:23 Jesus said that on a daily basis we must deny ourselves, pick up our cross, and follow Him. During hard times, I found that it is even a moment by moment choice to continue my Christian walk by faith and not by what I feel or see around me.



The engine of our car is God’s truth. Truth is what keeps us moving and operating. Our emotions can be false and lie to us, but the truth of God is unwavering. Truth gives us the power to go farther than we ever dreamed possible and keep going longer than we imagined. This isn’t something that will happen overnight, but as we come to believe more and more of God’s word our emotions also begin to come into a more perfect balance.



I don’t know about you, but I find it very difficult to have perfect relationships with other people. They always seem to find a way to wound me, make me mad, ignore me, not meeting my needs, not understand me, not care about me and the list goes on and on. If you haven’t noticed, the problem I have is that I am always thinking about “me.” The truth is that our relationships this side of heaven will never be perfect. We will always struggle with hurts and misunderstandings. Even with all the healing God has done in my life, there are and will always be things I struggle with and people I don’t understand. There will be those who hate God and persecute me and those who I hurt with my actions.



As we traverse this emotional journey together, I will share with you how God led me to emotional freedom. I didn’t and still don’t always “feel” close to God, but I have learned that continued obedience and seeking God eventually leads me to breakthroughs in faith and emotional struggles. This usually occurs when I finally understand the truth that He has been trying to speak to me and begin to believe that truth. If you have found yourself stuck emotionally, I want to encourage you to ask God to reveal the truths you need for your emotional breakthrough. I promise that on the other side is real, lasting peace and abundant living that is worth digging around inside to discover.



DISCUSSION QUESTIONS:
1. What place do you think the Holy Spirit plays in our emotions?



2. Where are you in this journey? Overcontrolling? Overwhelmed? Frozen?

JEF Ch 1.2 A Place for Every Emotion and Every Emotion in its Place

For some of us, our emotions are an unfortunate part of life. Our emotions are close to the surface, are tumultuous and unpredictable. We are like a sailboat that is tossed about by the winds of emotions. Where they blow, we blow too. These intense emotions can hinder us, bog us down and make life difficult. Supermodel, Naomi Campbell a good example of this type of emotional struggle. Her wild outbursts and unpredictable behavior have labeled her in a very negative light. Britney Spears recent outburst haven’t been much better.


The opposite problem exists for others who struggle to feel anything at all. They have emotions but their feelings run so deep they hardly understand them. These folks are more like Tristan from the movie, “Legends of the Fall.” He couldn’t deal with his emotional traumas, so he shoved them down. Tristan’s family deeply loved him and yet he managed to alienate and destroy a whole family with his inability to connect.


These two emotional extremes are hard for not only the person who struggles with them, but also for those who are close to them. The extremely expressive may emotionally vomit on those around them and their loved ones may feel they need to protect themselves from extreme outbursts. On the other hand, loved ones may never know where they stand and deeply desire an emotional connection with those out of touch with their feelings. When emotions do surface, they are often explosive and not proportionate to the "crime."


Sometimes we get so bogged down in the feelings we are or aren’t feeling that we don’t even know where to begin to deal with them. It seems like it would be easier if we were Data (the android from Star Trek: The Next Generation) who had no emotions. Toward the end of the series, he received an emotion chip, but he could still mercifully switch his emotions on and off with the flick of a thought. I will never forget the scene where he and Captain Picard are tracking Borg who have invaded the ship. As they are walking down the ship’s hallways, Data is verbalizing the fear and anxiety he is feeling for the first time. Captain Picard stops, looks at him and suggests that perhaps now isn’t the time to be exploring his negative emotions. How many times have I wished for that same ability? In between these two extremes run a gamut of other places we can be stuck emotionally.


For all these emotional struggles, God gave emotions to us for a purpose. God primarily designed us for a personal love relationship with himself and other people. In fact the Jesus said the greatest commandment was to love God and love other people. (Matt 22:36-39) In other words, our purpose is to be in loving relationships with others. Emotions play a vital role in our relationships with one another and our relationship with God.God made us in his image (Gen 1:27) and He is a very emotional God. God says that he loves (1 John 4:16), is angry with the wicked (Ps 7:11), is jealous (Deut 6:15), laughs (Psalm 37:13), is joyful (Nehemiah 8:10), delights to show mercy (Micah 7:18), delights in his people (Psalm 149:4). We also know that God has emotions, because Jesus became human. Jesus was filled with compassion (Luke 15:20), was grieved in his heart, experiences sorrow (John 11:35), loved (John 3:16) and was joyful (John15:11).


The difference between God and us is that God does not act emotionally. His thoughts, feelings and actions are perfectly aligned with truth. His feelings are not dependent on our action or inaction. He is the same yesterday, today and tomorrow (Hebrews 13:8). He cannot act out of character. That is why He could send His son to die for us while we were still in sin. He loves us no matter what the circumstances because his emotions are firmly rooted in truth and in perfect perspective.


In a New Testament story, Jesus sends the disciples on ahead in the boat so that He can go up the mountain and be alone with the Father. It is night and the disciples are crossing the choppy sea. Suddenly they notice a figure coming toward them on the water. They start to think it is a ghost and start freaking out. As Jesus gets closer, he says “Take courage, it is I.” Peter becomes bold. In Matthew 14:28 Peter says, “Lord, if it is You, command me to come to You on the water." Peter gets out of the boat and begins walking toward Jesus, but his eyes soon become focused on the dark, turbulent waters and the wind whipping around him. I imagine that Peter suddenly realized how insane his request was; he could drown if this wasn’t Jesus! His focused moved from Jesus to the circumstances surrounding him and he instantly began to sink.


Peter’s experience walking on water, demonstrates the perspective of God. When we look at our circumstances, relationships, and negative experiences we are focused on the wind and waves. It is hard to see how God could ever change these things. There are many stories of the disciples looking at their surroundings instead of on God. Jesus was constantly adjusting their thought processes with phrases like, “You have heard the saying...” or “It is said that…”, then he follows up with, “But I tell you…”


Elijah is another good example of a missed perspective. In 1 kings 18, Elijah is kicking butt and taking names. Elijah is in the middle of a duel between 100 prophets of Baal. He challenges the prophets to a test of their god. A sacrifice is placed on an altar and Elijah asks their god to produce fire to consume the sacrifice. 100 prophets dance, chant, rent their clothes, leapt about for 12 hours calling to their god while Elijah taunts them. Then Elijah places his sacrifice on the altar, digs and trench and douses the sacrifice with 12 barrels of water. Elijah makes a simple prayer and the Lord sends down a consuming fire that not only burns the sacrifice, but the wood underneath, the twelve stones around it, the dust and the water in the trench.


After this awesome display of God’s power, the king and crazy queen put out a hit on Elijah’s life. Elijah flees to the mountains where we find him sulking in chapter 19 asking God to kill him. Elijah can’t see the protective hand of God even when God sends him an angel to care for his needs for 40 days and night. He only sees that he is the last prophet that hasn’t been killed by the crazy king and queen. In 1 kings 19:10, Elijah says, "I've been working my heart out for the GOD-of-the-Angel-Armies. The people of Israel have abandoned your covenant, destroyed the places of worship, and murdered your prophets. I'm the only one left, and now they're trying to kill me." God had just led Elijah into the wilderness to protect him and sent him an angel to feed and minister to him for 40 days and still he was pouting? Talk about a missed perspective.


If we are to be useful in the kingdom of God, I believe that our emotional life needs to be centered and in line with God’s perfect perspective. He knows why we experience certain things in our lives and the reasons for those things. In Jeremiah 29:11 God says, “I know what I'm doing. I have it all planned out--plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for.” Even in his pain, he knew that God had everything under control. If Jesus hadn’t believed this truth about the Father, he would have never sacrificed himself for our sins.
I know from personal experience that if our emotions are out of control, God cannot use us as greatly as He would like. Our prisons are filled with people whose emotions are out of control. Many self-medicate with drugs, sex, greed and power. These people need significant rehabilitation to control themselves in order to be useful members of society. I believe the same is true of our walk with Christ. Peter was a prime example of this. He was always going off half-cocked, reacting his way through life. Jesus never condemned Peter for his passionate way of living, but he also didn’t want Peter to be out of control. Just like Peter, there is a place for our emotions. God made us for feeling.


The negative emotions that God gave to us aren’t inherently bad, but they are not a reliable source for the truth. Our negative emotions do tell us that this world isn’t how it should be. God created us to live in a perfect world where we didn’t know evil. When Adam and Eve sinned, our whole way of living changed. We no longer did, thought or said only good things. We had the option of doing bad. We battle this sin nature every day. Some days we win and some days we lose. Our negative emotions can indicate that there is something wrong and missing in our lives. God can draw us closer to him through these experiences because it is only through a relationship with Jesus that these pains can be eased. Negative emotions are only unhealthy when they consume our lives, change our behavior or define how we react to life.

We can’t choose how we feel, but we can choose how we respond to our feelings. If we don’t think critically about our emotions before we act, we can become slaves to our feelings. If our emotions are louder than God or we are cut off from our feelings (or anything in between), we run the risk of “feeling” or “thinking” our way through our Christian walk instead of “abiding” as Jesus commands us. Obeying the truth is the only way to save us from the damage our emotions can inflict on us.

If you look at a river, it rarely runs in a straight line. It meanders and wanders across the landscape to the sea. The fastest way to get down the mountain would be a straight line, but a straight line isn’t always best way for the water to flow. I believe that God does have a plan for us and although we may not see the route, He has a purpose for us. If we trust that He has a perfect perspective on our life, we can trust that whatever happens He has the best in mind for us. We can experience every emotion, but keep them in their proper place. When we do this, God can heal our wounds and give them purpose. We can then begin to minister to others who have experienced similar problems.


If you have never asked God to be a part of your life, I want to invite you to do so now. You can begin a relationship with Him today. All you have to do is talk to God whatever is in your heart. Here is an example, but you need to supply the words yourself and mean them.

“Jesus, I can’t do change by myself; I need you in my life. I don’t know what it means to love you, but I have decided to follow you all the rest of my life. I believe that you are God and that you love me. Thank you for paying the price for my sin. Please show me how to love you and love others. Amen”