Hi, my name is Farah and I am a recovered emotional car wreck.
You have probably heard the saying, “God needs to be in the driver’s seat of our life.” I never liked that saying. It didn’t make sense to me. After all, we aren’t robots or puppets that God controls with strings. Even after we have been saved, we still have free will and we must choose to listen to Him and obey. In David Stoop’s book, “You Are What You Think,” he had a much clearer car analogy. Imagine yourself driving a special car that only you know how to drive. The car represents the totality of who you are: your body, soul and spirit. The road represents the life you are traveling down. Dr. Stoops says that we can respond in one of two ways when we are confused by our emotions. We can either become over-controlling or over-whelmed.
“As we travel down the highway, we suddenly feel overwhelmed, so we decide to put the car on cruise control and jump in the backseat. Then we yell at God, our spouse, our children, our parents, or all of the above ‘You take over! I can’t drive anymore!’ As the car goes careening down the highway, hitting other cars, running over other people and bouncing off buildings, we sit there in a panic, saying ‘Somebody better get control of this thing!’ Perhaps God is sitting with us in the backseat, but all He can say is, ‘I can’t help you back here!’ And He explains, “I can’t do anything as long as you are sitting in the backseat. I can only help if you are in the driver’s seat- if you are in control.”
In our panic, we are out of control. If God were to give us directions, we would be unable to act of them. Our fear, insecurities and overwhelmed emotions paralyze us. We are in “flight” mode. Dr. Stoop goes on to state, “If we are over-controlling, we do just the opposite, we never leave the driver’s seat. But as we drive along, God….suggests we stop or slow down. But instead we panic and hit the gas pedal, swerving to avoid a collision.”
When we are over-controlling we are often in “fight” mode. We argue with God and everyone else and we completely lose the ability to hear God. We can even purposefully drive over and into people with our control and anger. The third reaction to our emotional confusion is “Freeze” mode. Stoop says, “…If we need to turn, we freeze and our arms become like cement. We can’t turn, so we end up hitting a brick wall. The only way to drive the car is to remain in control. That way if (God) suggests we slow down, we can slow down. If we need to make a turn, we make the turn. That’s self-control. That’s the way we are meant to live: exercising self-control in order to be in control.”
Self-control is one of fruit of the Spirit. We know that the Holy Spirit is the conduit through which we hear God, experience Christ and learn spiritual truths. So where is the Holy Spirit in this equation? For that we need another illustration.
My husband is terrible with directions. After 15 years struggling with wrong turns and missed exits, he admitted defeat and bought a GPS device. This handy little unit has solved many arguments between my husband and me. For the most part, I have been relieved of my position as navigator and can happily enjoy the ride without worrying about whether we will actually make it to our destination. My husband is able to plug the address into the GPS and it gives him turn by turn instructions. It even has a positive reinforcement tool to let him know that he has made the right decision. It will say to continue down this road or turn in so many feet and when has made the right choice, it happily chimes like an old-fashioned door bell, “ding dong.” It is now a running joke that when he forgets his GPS, I copy the unit’s tone of voice as I give him directions and even add the little bell chime when he has listened to me correctly. It may seem silly, but we have avoided a lot of arguments this way.
In the previous chapter, we talked about Elijah’s mountain top experience and the following days he was in hiding. After the angel ministered to Elijah for 40 days, God asked Elijah to go up another mountain. In 1 Kings 19:11-12 says, “Then he was told, "Go, stand on the mountain at attention before GOD. GOD will pass by." A hurricane wind ripped through the mountains and shattered the rocks before GOD, but GOD wasn't to be found in the wind; after the wind an earthquake, but GOD wasn't in the earthquake; and after the earthquake fire, but GOD wasn't in the fire; and after the fire a gentle and quiet whisper.” In a still, small voice God spoke to Elijah.
If we are in control of our emotions and they are in perfectly placed within God’s truth, we are free to listen to our “still small” GPS unit called the Holy Spirit. Just like the unit, we don’t get any more instructions than what we need right in front of us. If we listen to the Holy Spirit and obey the directions God is giving us, our emotions are the little chimes that ring. In Galatians 5:22-23, we are told that the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, generosity, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. These positive feelings and ways of existing are our chimes that let us know we are on the right track, but they only come after we begin to follow the instructions that God gives us, not before. If we placed our emotions at the improper place, we could be easily led astray. We need to be in control of our feelings so that He can guide us with his still small voice.
Emotions are the trailer hitched up to our car. These positive traits are the evidence of and reward for obedience. If you have ever tried to back up a car with a trailer, you know how difficult it can be. In order to get the trailer to turn the direction you would like it to go, you must steer in the opposite direction. It gets very confusing and is much easier to move forward than backward. Just like a wayward trailer, emotions are unpredictable and can easily lead us astray. It is best to keep moving forward with the directions that we have been given.
Our faith in God fuels our car. It is what keeps us following the Holy Spirit even when we don’t understand the directions or detours He gives us. Our faith is what trusts God’s character of love and mercy even when bad things happen. Our faith helps us step out in truth, even when we don’t feel like it. When would we ever feel like loving our enemies, blessing those who persecute us or praying for those who spitefully use us (Matt 5:44)? This is an impossible task and one that cannot be driven by our emotions. After all, in Luke 9:23 Jesus said that on a daily basis we must deny ourselves, pick up our cross, and follow Him. During hard times, I found that it is even a moment by moment choice to continue my Christian walk by faith and not by what I feel or see around me.
The engine of our car is God’s truth. Truth is what keeps us moving and operating. Our emotions can be false and lie to us, but the truth of God is unwavering. Truth gives us the power to go farther than we ever dreamed possible and keep going longer than we imagined. This isn’t something that will happen overnight, but as we come to believe more and more of God’s word our emotions also begin to come into a more perfect balance.
I don’t know about you, but I find it very difficult to have perfect relationships with other people. They always seem to find a way to wound me, make me mad, ignore me, not meeting my needs, not understand me, not care about me and the list goes on and on. If you haven’t noticed, the problem I have is that I am always thinking about “me.” The truth is that our relationships this side of heaven will never be perfect. We will always struggle with hurts and misunderstandings. Even with all the healing God has done in my life, there are and will always be things I struggle with and people I don’t understand. There will be those who hate God and persecute me and those who I hurt with my actions.
As we traverse this emotional journey together, I will share with you how God led me to emotional freedom. I didn’t and still don’t always “feel” close to God, but I have learned that continued obedience and seeking God eventually leads me to breakthroughs in faith and emotional struggles. This usually occurs when I finally understand the truth that He has been trying to speak to me and begin to believe that truth. If you have found yourself stuck emotionally, I want to encourage you to ask God to reveal the truths you need for your emotional breakthrough. I promise that on the other side is real, lasting peace and abundant living that is worth digging around inside to discover.
DISCUSSION QUESTIONS:
1. What place do you think the Holy Spirit plays in our emotions?
2. Where are you in this journey? Overcontrolling? Overwhelmed? Frozen?
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