Are we there yet?

Sometimes I wonder things like:

“Haven’t I learned enough already?”
"Can’t I just take a break from changing and growing?"
"What is it You are trying to teach me now?”

I think faith is the toughest thing to learn and I find comfort in the fact that every single person deals with the same struggles. Am I going to believe God or not? Some days I do and some days I don’t. I love that even David, a man after God’s heart, whined and complained and stomped his feet. I love that Elijah was deeply depressed minutes after God miraculously provided fire from heaven to burn the sacrifice. I love that God didn’t punish Abraham for taking matters of the promise into his own hands and that the mighty disciples couldn’t stay awake in the garden with Jesus. I especially love that even Jesus poured out His heart to his Father in the Garden and asked to be spared from the suffering he was going to face. Jesus, God in the flesh, didn't want to feel pain. I don't blame him. If it had been me I would have been an absolute mess.

I am so grateful that God understands and allow us to feel. He never chastised David for asking God to “get” his enemies. Instead, God reminded him that he is a wonderful God and that He is in charge. God never told Elijah to “get it together.” Instead He ministered to him in the desert and then taught him how to hear His voice. God didn’t shame Abraham for his weakness, but gave him what was promised. Jesus wasn’t even angry at his disciples for not being able to stay away. He just let them sleep even during his greatest need. I even imagine that the Father poured out His love for His son before His death. I love that God allows me to be, to feel and tell Him all my heart’s desires because, after all, isn’t that what relationship is all about?

Aren’t the best relationships the ones where I am allowed to be myself, to have doubts, to be upset, to make mistakes and then through all that learn something? Isn’t that the safest environment for love? It is in this safe environment of love that I learn to hear, trust and grow. It is in faith that I become more than I ever dreamed I could be?

As painful as it is and as much as I would love to stop, every time I learn something new, I am so grateful that God didn't leave me in my previous state. I marvel at how miserable that lesson would have left me for the rest of my life, had I not learned it. A deeped relationship with God is well worth the temporary growing pains. I am so glad that I am not there yet.